Getting in an 8th Grade Frame of Mind

Quote #2: "Ms. Broome, I honestly have no idea how your mind works." - KC It might have been a rough day but hearing my student say this to me made me burst out in laughter. I have long suspected that half of what my students and I say to each other is lost in translation and this quote simply solidified this belief in my mind. It must be a very interesting world in my students' minds because their over-the-top reaction to simple events makes me believe they see the world through a paradigm I really cannot even comprehend. And the fact that they do not understand my rationale half the time makes me think the feeling is mutual.

Which brings me to the larger issue dealing with the fact that maybe one small piece of the problem when it comes to student academic achievement is that students aren't really hearing what teachers are saying. I was having a discussion with two math teachers last year at the high school I worked at and they very assertively told me that "these students just can't do algebra." Well I'm sorry but I tutored some of these students after school and they, in fact, could do algebra however their minds just work in different ways. So when a teacher says coordinate-plane to these students I can guarantee that the first thing that comes to mind IS NOT a location where you plot points. There is a disconnect going on between what the students are hearing, what the teachers are saying, and how the teachers are explaining the subject.

I do not claim to be exempt from this problem. I definitely have had that feeling where I'm the teacher in the Charlie Brown show or where I get done explaining something and my students look at me like I am from Mars. However, at least I recognize this part of the puzzle and am making some sort of attempt to correct it, instead of blaming it all on the students' intelligence levels. I do not think the solution is "dumbing" the material down, instead we need to find a way to make is more accessible. Not everyone learns the same and I can, without a doubt, promise you that inner-city black students do not think the same as middle-class, suburban white kids. Instead of resigning ourselves to the idea that our students "just can't" do something, why don't we assume they can but there is a cognitive disconnect that we need to work around? It might be more difficult and not in our job description, but aren't we, as teachers, suppose to try exhaust all our options when providing our students with the opportunities to learn. I could not deal with giving my students less than all my effort and then blaming their failure on them. I cannot force a student to do something but I can try to provide them with the best opportunity possible.

There is a quote from The Wire where a drug dealer is trying to help his sister with a math problem. She can't do the word problem in her head so he puts it in terms of a drug deal and she gets it right away. When he asks her "why are you able to figure it out when I say it?" She responds "because if I get the deal wrong, I get beaten." I'm not saying we beat our students but this quotation just goes to show that our students do not think in terms of abstract concepts, they need something tangible to hold onto.

My project

I do not have a really long entry today. But, in a ploy to supply my classroom with more books, I am posting the link to my donors choose project. I do not expect that a lot of people read my blog, but in the off-chance that someone comes along and wants to help out 125 inner-city kids I would like to be able to provide them with the opportunity.

I posted this project about 2-3 weeks ago and the goal of it is to supply my classroom with more books for my students to read during their independent reading time. So take a look and see if it might be something you could get behind. :)

donorschoose.org/msbroome

Ahh, middle school...

Quote #1: "You know Ms. Broome. She will mess you up." - DW

It's been almost two months since I started teaching my second year with Indianapolis Public Schools, however this year I am at a different school. I am now teaching at a middle school located on the Westside of the city. I actually do like this year better for a number of reasons but there are so many differences between this year and last year that I don't feel like it is fair to compare the two experiences. But who said life was fair?

I am different this year. I learned my lesson about being too nice at the beginning of the school year and did not make that mistake this year. My students know that I am always hassling them to make sure their behavior is where it should be. I know that no matter what happens I am the one in control and there is no way in hell a 13 year-old is going to try to talk back to me. I don't care how they behave at home, they know that I am the one in charge in that classroom. While this might seem small, the fact that I believe and have put into practice that previous statement means that I am a lot less stressed this year. I might not know how the kids will behave but I know how I will act and there is a strange peace of mind that comes with that acknowledgement. The quote above is from one of my students when a student asked if I was going to sign up for football and I told them "no" because I didn't want to hurt them, thus prompting the quote from my student. While it was said in a joking context, it does sum up the fact that my students know I'm not playing around when it comes to their education and discipline.

The student are different. First of all, they are not as funny. The ridiculous comments/pick-up lines I heard last year are not coming nearly as frequently, which is a little disappointing. But I have faith that as I get to know the students better their goofy sides will be shown a little more. Secondly, the students are soooooo much more hormonal! I thought freshmen were bad; oh no, eighth graders are on a roller coaster of emotions and even they don't know if they will be at a high or a low point. I have never seen students go from bouncing off the walls to wanting to go to sleep so quickly. And lastly, they are more respectful. The fact that I have not been cussed out yet or called a bitch to my face is a major accomplishment. I like the fact that 8th graders are still at that weird age where you can be sarcastic with them but they also know that they need to listen to adults. Last year, my students thought we were too much like friends; I'm not having that same problem this year.

My subject area is different. I am no longer teaching life skills, which is both good and bad. I didn't realize how nice it was to teach a subject that I could not be held accountable for. A lot more pressure comes with teaching a core subject where there are standards and accurate measures of how much you are actually teaching the students. While I like teaching a subject that I feel is important and necessary, I miss being able to basically do whatever the heck I wanted to do. I also have my doubts that I am actually teaching these children anything; I'm not sure if I am teaching them the right stuff; I'm not sure if what I am saying makes sense. All these things combined make for a lot more stress on my life. However, I know how to deal with stress and have resigned to just doing the best I can and hoping that this is good enough.

The year has started off decently enough and time is flying by. I know that the rest of the school year has a lot of exciting opportunities and challenges ahead and I think tackling them is going to be a pretty good time. And hopefully my students will say some more random quotes so I will have some material to blog about.

The ripple effect

I thought I would be able to make it through the summer without blogging but, alas, my thoughts are crowding my brain and after weeks of not being able to sleep through the night I have to blog about something. Just to open up a little space in my head. :)

I am spending the majority of my summer in Oregon because, let's face it, is there really any better place than Oregon in the summer? I think not. Spending almost six weeks in Oregon also gives me the chance to catch up with friends and family. I have been traveling through Oregon and Washington and have been making appearances at family gatherings and such things. I love getting to see everyone and meet new people, however I am finding that I keep having the same conversation. My involvement in Teach for America somehow gets brought up every time I begin a new conversation with someone. It's not like I meet someone and say "Hi, I'm Melanie and I am in Teach for America" but we get to talking and I inevitably have to offer an explanation for why an Oregonian would move to the MidWest, why a non-education major is teaching, etc. And when Teach for America gets brought up, oh dear Lord, I know that I am now committed to talking about it for at least 30 minutes and sometimes up to two hours!

I can't really hold it against people or be mad at them for wanting to know more about teaching in a low-income area or TFA but sometimes this is ALL I talk about. I spent the better part of last semester trying to remember my life before TFA and getting comfortable with my new life in Indy: one that doesn't revolve around being a teacher 24/7. So now that I can identify myself as more than a "teacher" I find that it might be a little difficult for other people to do so. Ask me about what I do in Indy, my friends, my thoughts on anything other than the education system and teaching....please. However, my, seemingly, constant conversation about TFA does have a silver lining: exposure for TFA.

It is no secret that TFA has an agenda that goes beyond achieving significant gains in the classroom. They want to create an extensive and powerful alumni base, people that will go on to become proponents for education reform in law, business, politics, etc. People that will have great, and hopefully affluent, careers that will then give back to the cause in any way that can. However, TFA corps members and alumni contribute to a, shall we say, grassroots movement of TFA simply by existing. My experiences and my sharing of these experiences gets the TFA message out to people who might not have ever considered education reform or thought about what goes on in urban education. Because I have had a positive experience within TFA and am willing to talk about it, like so many other corps members, I have become a player, albeit an insignificant one, in a campaign to educate the public about the trouble the American education system is in.

I am practically a walking billboard for TFA and, subsequently, education reform. And whether we like it or not a lot of people vote based on personal connections and experiences. So think about it...if I am an average voter and know someone in TFA and have spent time talking to them I am probably more likely to place a slightly greater emphasis on education in my voting preferences and the candidates I support. I am not saying that me talking to people is going to get them to switch their voting habits but it could get individuals to think about education as a major political issue a little bit more. Hence, the title of this blog entry...

I think that TFA is building up quite the alumni association, however I do not think that their only, or even their major, contribution to education reform is through the check book or working in the department of education. I think that TFA members' presence provides exposure to others of the real-life, tangible horror stories about our education system that might get the ball rolling for the average citizen to begin to care about education reform, thereby having a "ripple effect".

When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit

Quote #12: "Ms. Broome is my favorite teacher. She has made me nothing but a stronger student." - LM I am soooooo thankful I am not a crier, otherwise I would have been bawling the last two days of school. This quote is from a letter one of my students gave me on the last day of school before she got on the bus to go home and it was the perfect end to nine months of exhausting, heart-wrenching work in the classroom. It also served as some small validation that I am not a complete failure in the classroom. Teaching a "life skills" elective course is a lot different than a core subject; I can't see the tangible progress my students are making like I would be able to if I taught math or reading. Every time they got into a fight, skipped class, earned an "F" in a class, or cussed out a teacher it was like a small jab at my class, so it was nice to know that something I said or did at least reached a few of these kids.

It is easy to forget the small victories and get bogged down by all the crap that goes on in the classroom and the larger school building. And it is far too easy to not realize you are changing one kid's life while you are trying to get the attention of 20 other students. But I remember applying for Teach for America and thinking I couldn't be important to all my students but I just wanted to have a positive influence on a couple: I lost sight of this goal more than once during the school year. It is difficult for me not to become over-invested in all my students, as I have said before I have a tendency to feel too much sometimes, and not to feel hurt when I see them messing up and hurting themselves and their future. However, this letter, and a couple other gifts my students gave me, brought me back to what I believed when I started this job: that I could be a friend to some of my students but to 95% of them I will just be their teacher and that's how it should be.

Everything has changed so much in the past nine months and after adjusting to this new city and my new job I finally feel like my old self and I cannot wait to get back into the classroom next year! I am so grateful for all my family and friends who were with me at the beginning of this adventure. And if I vented to you at any point or had a mini-meltdown over the phone or sounded exhausted/haggard at any point, just know that it was all worth it, I was able to have a positive impact because of your support, and thank you for being there for me.

So that's pretty much it for this school year. No social commentary or particularly insightful message, just a big "thank you" to everyone who supported me and made this huge change easier. I might blog over the summer a little bit since I didn't get around to talking about everything I wanted to this year, like racial tensions, sex in school, and the newspaper articles that were written about my school. But, at the same time, I might just go outside and have a good time, I'll keep you posted! :)

No place for the weary kind

Quote #11: "My uncle says that a lot of people mess up their freshman year and that they can, like, start over, fresh, next year." - BH We had 5 days left of school when one of my students uttered this proclamation during my first period class. Within the last week of school attendance has dropped significantly and students have decided that they should not be expected to do anything. In my class, my students have begun the process of reflecting on this past year and trying to draw lessons from mistakes in, what seems like, a futile attempt on my part to get them to NOT repeat history next year. It was during a discussion on the topic of reflection and not quitting high school just because you messed up freshman year that my student made the above comment. As the end of the year draws near it is a bittersweet ending.

I worry about my students for next year and the likelihood that they will become discouraged with school, give up, and drop out. As the school year has drug on I have seen their grades drop and their work ethic plummet. They are tired and feel defeated; thank goodness summer is upon us! However, what if they feel like this at the end of each year? Or what if they become more tired and weary of school as the years go on? School does not come easy for a lot of my students, they have to work at it every day...they have to work at paying attention to lecturing teachers, ignoring the drama that other kids start, not letting themselves be swayed by bad examples and distractions, breaking bad habits like not doing any homework, and dealing with other students and teachers who might otherwise prevent them from learning. They have a lot of components working against them.

I am not saying that my students are perfect, some days (screw that, most days) they do not give me or their other teachers the effort that we all know they possess. However, if I could decide between my students passing high school with C's when they can earn A's or dropping out, I would always choose the former and, I think, most people would agree with me. But how can you tell a student that everything is working against them, yet you expect them to continue on regardless. "I expect you not to become tired, I expect you not to get worn down, I expect you to push on, I expect you to do what, potentially, no one else in your family could do..." Well, the answer is that you have to tell them this with such fervor that they truly know that you believe it with your entire being. And this is what I do not know if I accomplished this year, and it really concerns me, this is what keeps me up at night.

I do not know if my students have been told enough that they can and WILL succeed in high school. I do not know if my students intrinsically believe they can do "this", and by "this" I mean high school. Because if they do not know these few things and, in some small way, believe them, then what is to keep them from dropping out? I have talked before about the shit my students go through, the personal drama that would make suburban kids break down and seek therapy for years. Well, if my students can deal with that extra stuff then they need to know that high school should seem like cake compared to seeing their friend shot when they were 13, having their drugged-out mother abandon them, running away from home, or being homeless. My students are tough but they don't see this toughness as an asset in the classroom and, I think, it is one of the main things they have going for them. If you are so tough you can survive getting out of a gang, then you should be able to pass my class. I will emphasize this more next year, but, in terms of my current students, I am really worried about what next year holds for the incoming sophomores.

Digging yourself into a hole you can't get out of

Quote #10: "Ms. Broome, can I get my make-up work?" - VW and KW The year is coming to an end (we only have about 4 more weeks left, ahhhhh!!!!) and some of my students are freaking out about their grades. We have been in this new semester for a little under 16 weeks and some of my students are just NOW beginning to freak out, it's so ridiculous. The two students I mentioned above came and saw me on Tuesday wanting some make up work to bring their grades up. Their percentages in my classroom where 12% and 9%, needless to say they both have REALLY solid "F"s. Then we looked over their attendance together and found that one had 25 absences and the other had 22 absences! This does not include tardies, which were numerous, and could mean they showed up anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes late! I looked at them and had to be honest and tell them that there really was no way that they were going to pass my class. I cannot re-teach huge unit projects we spent 5 weeks on because these students chose to skip and did not bother to get make-up work the day after they missed.

Then these same students asked if there was some way I could bump them up to a "D" through some sort of make-up assignments I gave them. Now look closely, because that last sentence exemplifies the disconnect my students have between their education and their grades. Grades are something teachers give to them, grades are subjective, and can be given out on a whim. I have told my students multiple times that I base my grades off percentages and have been VERY transparent about my grading system...but maybe these two students skipped that class period. Upon this grade request, I told my students that I would not "give" them any grade, that they would have to make up all the work that they were missing in order to pass. And in a very blunt response, I told them that it was unfair of me to give them false hope of passing because trying to make up 16 weeks of work while completing current assignments is impossible. It was a lose-lose situation: they either started freaking out or got mad and I felt like I had this huge knot in my stomach, as if I was the bad guy in this situation!

In the midst of all of this, I couldn't help but connect it to the larger problem of individuals not being held accountable or responsible for the mess they get themselves into. We always think that someone is going to forgive us or bail us out. It's almost American to fuck up (excuse my language) and expect to not be held accountable. We can spend as much as we want and declare bankruptcy, gorge ourselves on food and get gastric bypass surgery, consume as much as we want and ship our garbage to other countries, or not pay attention in school and then expect our teachers to let us make up work. There is a prevailing sense of entitlement in this country and it has to stop! Now I am not saying that I am going to fix it in the classroom by not allowing my students to make up work, but it has to start somewhere!

Many people are going to claim this sense of responsibilty/accountability should start at home but with so many adults in debt and living beyond their means how do we expect our kids to develop any different habits? Maybe school is where it should start. It is going to be a rough adjustment for some students, with many kids feeling like they are being "picked on" or thinking that their teachers are "unfair", but after a few years this trend might start to catch on. Talk about remedial life skills! A lot of adults don't understand that there are consequences for their actions therefore it is going to require quite a "salesman" to get kids to buy into this idea of personal accountability.

I felt absolutely horrible for telling my students they were going to fail my class. I kept thinking that their failure was my fault; I should have intervened earlier, I should have sought them out to give them make up work, I should have called their parents, etc. But, in the end, this type of thinking will only wear me out, the failure rate is something I can work at in the future, AND it does boil down to my students' every day academic choices. They might only be kids making dumb decisions, let's face it you make some REALLY stupid choices between the ages of the 15-19 years old, but at some point in time they will have to learn accountability. And isn't it better to be first exposed to this lesson in a class that, honestly, doesn't really count towards graduation requirements, rather than a class or job where the stakes are higher?

While I feel like the monster in this story, I know deep down that these students need to understand that sometimes you dig yourself into a hole so deep that you bury yourself.

What happens when you have nothing in common with your own race?

Quote #9: "Move your stanky ass!" - LM I hear this quote on a daily basis from my girls when they are telling someone to move and is just one of those comments that is a part of the vernacular at Manual. And it is part of a conversation that I am just now beginning to feel a part of. Manual is not like the other IPS schools in terms of its racial breakdown and this is what I would like to talk a little bit about. Most of my students are white, however our skin color is where our commonalities end. Just as a forewarning this is not a post about racial tensions (that's for another day) and I am not sure I can give this topic the due credit it deserves, I might fall far short of eloquence, but I will try.

Many people are surprised to find out that 65% of my students are white, 25% African-american, and 10% Hispanic. These numbers fall far short of the stereotypical image that creeps into people's heads when they think about inner-city schools. It is true that minority students are more likely to be grade levels behind their white peers in school and many minority students attend urban, inner-city schools. Therefore, this stereotype is not completely unfounded. However, I ended up in an unique situation this year where I am a part of the ethnic majority and cultural minority and this experience has opened my eyes A LOT!

At institute, TFA held a lot of diversity sessions for its corps members. There is a fear that with so many middle to upper-class, white teachers going into inner-city schools we will be culturally insensitive, biased, and unconsciously judgemental of our minority students and their families' backgrounds. And I think it is interesting that our diversity training focused around ethnicity instead of the larger umbrella of cultural differences. Ethnicity is not the only defining factor in cultural diversity yet people have tied the words "ethnicity" and "diversity" together so much that people begin to think of them as a package deal. Additionally, our differences in culture are not only defined by our ethnicity. We do not assume the white Americans are the same as white Europeans so why would we assume the middle-class, white Americans are similar to impoverished white Americans? Because we are all from the same country? Because we don't want to admit the class system that does exist in this country? Why don't we touch on this aspect in diversity training?

My year at Manual has been spent looking at students who are my skin color but live in a culture so foreign from the one I grew up in that I clearly see why there is so much political tension in this country. It is really difficult to describe this culture so I will just spell out a few things I have noticed that are completely different from the way I grew up.

1) People do not take care of themselves, physically. I was at a school baseball game the other day and 95% of the parents/guardians in attendance were obese and looked run down. They just did not look healthy whatsoever. These people looked like they had been eating processed or fast food all their life and they did not know how to live a healthy lifestyle. Which explains why their children act the same way.

2) Little kids cuss like sailors and act like they are grown adults. There is no rule that kids must act respectfully towards an adult just because that person is older or has an authority over them in any way. I have heard kids cuss out our school's librarian to her face; she is a 60-something ex-nun. Now I don't know about you but I would never have even dreamed of cussing someone out who was 50 years my senior! The only explanation I can give for this is that they learned the behavior from their parents, who may only be 15 years older than them. I heard a parent almost fight one of my freshmen because she didn't like what he was saying. On what planet does a grown woman fight a kid?!?

3) They know more about tax refunds, food stamps, gas money, sales taxes, etc. then I knew at their age and probably even now. My kids can tell me the difference between buying a hamburger at McDonald's on the northside versus southside of Indianapolis. They knew how much money their parents would get in tax returns and, therefore, what they believed their rightful share of that money was. One kid offered to sell me food stamps and I had to give another a ride home because his friend's dad didn't have enough gas money to drive him home. These are all things I did not and, presently, do not have to worry about, yet they are every day realities for my students.

4) Violence, injury, and death seem to be natural parts of life that are not expected but are dealt with on a daily basis and are so common that they have lost their shock factor. I took an informal poll of my classes the other day and in EVERY class 75-90% of the kids had seriously punched someone (not in a "messing around" kind of way) AND had been hit by someone else. I shouldn't have been surprised by this but it was a little overwhelming. When I said that I had never hit another person or been hit my students couldn't imagine a world where someone didn't want to hit me or mess with me enough that I would want to right hook them. A week or so ago one boy from our high school was "car hopping" (breaking into cars and stealing what was inside), the owner of a car caught him while he was robbing it, and shot him four times. The boy died...and we continued on at school like nothing happened. One boy was gone for a day and then told me he was at the hospital because his grandfather had gotten jumped, beaten up, and mugged the night before. His response to all of this was "people are silly".

All these stories come from my observations of my white students, however I have heard similar stories from my black and hispanic students as well. I think individuals want to feelconnected to those around them and if you do not know a person then the easiest way to find common ground is based on similarities in appearance, race/ethnicity being the most obvious. It would be like if three strangers stood before you and only one belonged to your race, you might naturally be inclined to approach them because you figure "well we at least look the same so we can use that as a jumping off point to find more similarities". But what I would challenge people to do is steer clear of this type of thinking as much as humanly possible. I love all my students however I get along with some better than others based on the type of people we are. And what I have found is that the students I can talk to for hours has everything to do with their character and personality and nothing to do with their race.

This might seem like a relatively obvious conclusion to come to however I wonder how truthful individuals are with themselves about the influence race has on their minds? Some people have commented on how it must be easier or, my personal favorite, nicer for me to be teaching students who look like me. The only thing I can say to these people is that there is nothing easy about it and I would even argue that it is more difficult than teaching only minority students would be. As I mentioned with TFA's diversity training, no one expects me to have anything in common with minority students but what if I don't have anything in common with the "majority" students? It is these assumptions about racial similarities transpiring into cultural similarities that I am fighting on a daily basis and have readjusted the lens through which I view the world and the people who are a part of it.

What will I be teaching next year?

(Note: this week's blog quote does not come from a student, I tried to think of one but the topic I wanted to talk about has nothing to do with my students)

Quote #8: "Did you get RIFT'ed?" - many teachers. I should begin by explaining that "RIFT" means "reduction in teaching force", which actually makes no sense because that mean that the abbreviation should read RITF but people say RIFT'ed and I have chosen not to question the Midwest's choice of abbreviations. Reducing the teaching force means that the school has to make cuts and they need to lay off some of the teachers. This happened to a lot of teachers last year, however it doesn't look like the same layoffs will be necessary this year. There are necessary budget cuts but the school district has decided that it will not replace retiring teachers instead of laying off teachers. Needless to say, when RIFTing occurs the newest teachers are at the bottom of the totem pole and, therefore, are the first to go.

To get the point of this blog, I kept getting asked this question because of a meeting I had with my school administrators and news/rumors travels fast in the school. To clarify, I was not laid off at this meeting, instead I was told that the funding that paid for my job was being decreased and therefore I was most likely going to be transferred to another school within IPS next year. So, I would have a job but it would not be at Manual High School. This is still up in the air because they are putting a special request in for me to teach life skills again since I am the only one that can teach it. I have no idea when I will know what school I will be teaching at next year or what subject I will be teaching (it will either be reading, life skills, or language arts) but I hope that it is soon.

When I heard this news I had mixed feelings about it. While I love my freshmen and love the freedom that comes with teaching an elective class, I have always been a little resentful that I am not teaching a "real" subject. A "real" subject being science, math, language arts, reading, etc. While electives are extremely important and add to the balance of a student's life, my students cannot read or do basic algebra and, therefore, it is difficult for me to see the point in them coming to my class when they cannot read at grade level. I know that my students love my class because I am more relaxed and we have a great relationship but just think what I could do with my personality and a REAL subject. My students do not go to their classes simply because they do not like the teacher, so the potential impact of having a class of students show up to math because they like me is huge.

While I like the possibility of teaching a real subject, there are many problems with this potential move. My students expect me to be there next year and at a time when a lot of students are leaving to go to different schools, I feel like I am abandoning my students. Additionally, I spent this entire year creating this class and it sucks that I might have to learn a whole new curriculum for next year. It will be almost like starting over at square one. I will have the classroom management experience and will know my "teaching style" but I will have an entire new classroom. The second year is suppose to be easier and with this potential shift I do not think it will be one bit easier, it may be just like doing my first year all over again.

It's all speculation at this point in time but it will be interesting to see where I end up next year.

Things are looking up...

Quote #7: "Ms. Broome, you make his heart smile." - JC This is just one of the many ridiculous quotes that come from my boys in my last period class. Three days prior these boys also serenaded "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" to me during class. This period used to be my worst and, don't get me wrong, some days they can really try my patience but the fact that these students want to come to class now, help out around my classroom, and are doing their work is a major achievement. It is just one of many things that have changed for the better in my classroom.

In all honesty, I have no idea what has really changed. Maybe I know the students better, maybe they know me better, my students might have matured a little, I might have relaxed a little bit, or maybe it's a combination of all the above. But, regardless, some extreme changes have occurred in my classroom and these changes are making my classroom even more fun for these last two months of school. The students that have always been great are still amazing and hard-working but the students who use to give me hell, for some unknown reason, have decided I am not half bad and just want to joke around with me as opposed to fight with me. I don't mean to boast, but I have become so popular with my students that I am finding it difficult to enforce lunch detention because my students like spending their lunch time with me; it is no longer a punishment!

These changes in my classroom have taught me a few things. Namely, that I should not get discouraged with my students because no matter where they begin in my class you never know where our relationship is going to be at the end of the year. I need to remember this for next year when I have to start building these relationships all over again but I am hoping that my next year students and I get to the place I am at right now a little before March. I have never doubted the role humor plays in the classroom but I have learned that kids just want to play around. I think that many of my students are under the impression that class time and fun are antonyms. However, the minute that they realize they can have fun while doing their work it completely alters their way of thinking and all of a sudden they will do whatever you ask them because they know, in some way, that it will be fun. Even if the activity or assignment isn't one of the most exciting (I mean, let's face it, something like word processing skills isn't incredibly enthralling) my students no longer give me trouble because we can joke around and have a good time doing something a little boring.

This year is wrapping up quite nicely! I can't wait for my students to be sophomores next year and to meet my newest group of freshmen!

Life skills after hours...when the REAL learning takes place

Quote #6: "Ms. Broome, so I liked this guy and we were hanging out but he told me that he didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now. But then like a week later he was ------'s boyfriend!" - DD After hearing this statement, I subsequently went into the book closet I have in my classroom pulled off my personal copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" (yes, I have that book in my classroom), handed it to the girl, and proclaimed, "sweetheart, I just saved you years of wasting your time!"

For the first few months of school, I had no real desire to stay after school at all. Once 2:30 hit I was, hopefully, out of there by 3, 3:30 at the latest. Why would I stay after school when all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap? My attitude has changed dramatically. The time I spend after school with my students is some of my most valuable time. If I end the school day on a bad note, I WANT to stay after school because I know the students that stay after with me will brighten my mood. I could have ended the day ready to hit someone, but after spending an hour with these kids I have renewed faith in my job. After school the line between student and teacher is blurred. Not in terms of who is in control and who is the "mature" adult but because we are teaching one another. I learn mountains of information from these kids after school and I am able to teach them blunt and honest life skills. So I would like to write about what my students have taught me....

1) People will never cease to shock you. It might take awhile to break them and get them to open up but once they do, if they do, what they tell you will probably blow you away. I was struggling to get this one boy "D" to write his college application essay. He didn't turn it in and decided to stay after school and I had to continually ask him questions to get him to think about a person or experience that influenced him. FINALLY, he looked up from his paper and said "well....my house got destroyed in Florida and that's why I am up here." Turns out, he house was obliterated by Hurricane Wilma and he witnessed the entire thing from a hurricane shelter. Needless to say, he now has a topic for his essay. But once this little fact spilled we couldn't get him to stop talking. I brought up gangs because I wanted to be "in the know" and not feel like students were ever pulling one over on me. I came to find out that his father is in prison in Florida, both his parents were members of a gang, and he, himself, grew up in the gang in Florida until he moved to Indianapolis. This is a small, skinny, white kid who cannot be any taller than 5'3"...just in case you were wondering.

2) Students at my school are having way too much sex and abstinence-only education is not doing shit for these students. A few days ago one of my pregnant students stayed after school with a few others and we all got to talking about pregnancies in the school. There have been at least half a dozen freshmen who have been pregnant already and those are only the ones I know about. If a girl disappears, for all I know it is just as likely that she is pregnant as she transferred schools. Furthermore, the girls I know about are just freshmen, not the countless upper-classmen who are walking around preggers. Even with all these pregnancies there will not be as many babies born, the majority of these girls have miscarriages. Their bodies are not ready to handle babies, plus they do not know how to take care of themselves and keep their body healthy enough to nourish a fetus. For example, one girl who miscarried ate hot cheetos and sprite for lunch. She could have eaten the food at the school, at least school lunch has to meet some nutritional standards, but she likes junk food. It is times like these that make me so scared for the future of these girls. They just have NO idea....and they are hurting others in the process of making stupid life decisions.

3) The only way you are EVER going to connect with another person or establish any sort of relationship is by being genuine. I learn the most about my students after school simply because I get to let down my teacher personality a little bit. Everything is a little more relaxed. This all became abundantly clear when one of my girls told me "dang Ms. Broome, I didn't know you were this cool, I just thought you gave us a lot of work." This one sentence put everything in perspective for me. Next year I will be a lot more transparent with my students. Now, being genuine should not be confused with being a push-over. Students normally know when they are acting out of line and if they know you genuinely care about them they honestly won't put up too much of a fight when you discipline them. They know they are in the wrong but they are testing you and it is expected that you react in some way. Therefore, next year I will focus on being more strict from the get-go but making it VERY clear to my students that I care about all their successes, failures, and lives, in general.

The stories my students tell me make my life even more enjoyable then it already is. The fact that they WANT to share their lives with me makes me feel incredibly blessed. I think the fact that they feel so comfortable telling me about their lives is because I have told them so much about mine. They know I have a roommate with a dog, a younger brother who is a little bit of a nerd, they met my mom and step-dad, they know about my summer in Atlanta, my travels abroad, etc. The ONLY thing they don't know is my age and it drives them crazy, haha! I have lived a great life thus far and I can use my stories to let my students know that there is a HUGE world out there. I have always said that relationships need to be a two-way street and my after school study groups just reassure me that I am correct in my thinking. I like to think (even though I may be incorrect) that I add something to my students' lives and they add so much to mine. Let's just say we keep one another in check and call it a day :)

When it rains, it pours...

Quote #5: "She came from off her knees to walking on her feet." - RS This quote came from an essay one of my students wrote for an assignment in my class. The assignment was to write a mock college application essay. It was an ambitious goal, especially since most students are not introduced to this concept until they are juniors in high school but I wanted my students to know what preparing for college looks like now. They need all the help they can get and I knew they were smart enough to handle this task. Besides, as opposed to middle class, white, suburban kids who might write about their accomplishments and talents, my students had the potential to write really raw/powerful stories that depict a world in which young kids prove unusually resilient to what would otherwise tear individuals apart. I asked for emotionally powerful stories and that is exactly what I got. Hence the title, when it rains personal narratives, it pours...

This quote came from an essay about one girl's single mom and how her mom had motivated her and turned her into the hard-working and dedicated person she is today. My pile of graded papers is chalk-full of stories about single moms and dads. About moms who abandon their children for drugs and the children finding it in their hearts to forgive their parent and move forward because they believe family is the most important thing there is. Stories about moms who had four kids by the time they were 22, still finished school, and have instilled this work ethic in their children. Then there is the story about a girl's aunt committing suicide and leaving her daughter behind for others to take care of. My family means the world to me (blood relation or not) and to read these stories about families is particularly difficult. It makes me wonder why they decided to share these stories. I know I asked for personal stories however, as someone who isn't usually upfront about my personal life, it is difficult for me to understand what compels someone to spill their emotional baggage in an essay. Is it because they don't see anything unusual with the story they are telling? Their type of family tragedy is just so commonplace that they can nonchalantly describe it. Is it because they feel comfortable sharing information with me? Or is it because they just want to be heard? I don't expect to answer these questions but it is something to think about...

Many of these stories take place within the last year, some of them while the student has been in my class. But I don't see this side of the students, I see the talkative, goofy, sassy/smart ass, funny side of these kids. Unless they tell me, I have no idea what goes on at their home. You could take these stories and feel bad for the kids and use the stories as excuses for why they behave the way they do but I believe there are more useful emotions than sympathy: admiration and commitment. My students AMAZE me, they make any problems I have in my life look simple. What do I know of heartache? Or loss? Or living without something or someone in my life? There are days I do not feel amazing but these kids have excuses to make them fell shitty every day and they come to school regardless. Not only do they come to school but on most days they smile and laugh and joke around.

I have heard from multiple people that, as a teacher, you should pretty much make yourself seem crazy. Mostly because it freaks your students out and they don't know what you are capable of doing and, therefore, will live in a state of constant suspense and want to pay attention. However, I don't think we can underestimate the entertainment value that being crazy plays in the classroom. If I act like a complete fool and am just that "weird" teacher (which a lot of my students have commented on) I can normally get the students to laugh and at least enjoy my class. Now I do not mean to imply that this works for all students, I know some students do not like my class BUT I know some students really love it and I think acting crazy might help out my cause. After reading these stories, I don't think I will ever underestimate what we will call the "entertainment aspect" in making my students' days more enjoyable. If you have something shitty to go home to and look forward to going to school to see your friends, then why not make students want to come to school to see their teachers as well?

On my mama...

Ok, so, my students are going absolutely CRAZY and they still have about 7 more weeks until Spring Break. They are getting restless and this restlessness is manifesting itself in fights breaking out. We had 4 fights on Monday and another fight in the cafeteria BEFORE school started on Tuesday. This seemed like a perfect time to discuss violence at Manual, plus the latest quote said by a student.

Quote #4: "I don't wanna fight you. But if you mess with me, you'll get the best of me." - AS This quote came from a girl in my first period class who was trying, unsuccessfully by the way, to explain to me why fighting before school was the perfect time to fight. And I just thought this was the quintessential quote that sums up the students' views on violence at Manual. I have been taught my entire life that violence is never the answer and, in my opinion, I can make someone feel a lot worse with my words than I ever could by hitting them. So if the point of fighting is to hurt another person and get them to leave you alone, well I have been trained to accomplish this with words. But what if you did not have the vocabulary or cognitive ability to do this? What if you have been trained that violence is the last alternative but is always an acceptable method to deal with someone? What if you have so much anger about other things going on in your life that when someone starts messing with you all this previous anger is pushed over the edge by that one person and so you violent reaction really isn't a response to that particular situation but, instead, a response to everything else in your life?

Let's look a little more at these questions. While we might say violence is not the answer, very few people just let insults or bullying roll off their shoulders. Most people will at least insult the other person, try something passive-aggressive, or confront them. All of these options require the ability to express, in words, what you are feeling or thinking but some people, as a result of their education, might not have the practice or language skills necessary to do this. I had never thought of violence as a literacy issue, but isn't it? Non-violent communication is difficult for highly-educated people, many people still must have extensive practice in communication because the tendency is there to "shove it under the rug" or be passive-aggressive. But at least those who are well-educated might be able to find non-violent communication easier because they have the linguistic background needed to express their emotions after they have received the training to do so.

Now add a background of violence to a limited linguistic ability and is it any wonder that violence is not only tolerated but expected? When I was teaching my students a lesson on conflict resolution the first couple days we were going over the material were filled with comments like "well I would just hit him" or "I would teach her who she was messing with". It took two weeks to even get them to see that they could talk it out or that they should find out more information about a hearsay situation before they go beat the crap out of someone. However, in the end it seemed futile because they knew other ways to deal with their problems but they chose to use violence. They have seen violence work and I doubt that they have seen non-violent communication work nearly as effectively. Furthermore, their parents tolerate it. One girl smacked a guy in my class because he had whispered something to her as he walked by. I called both parents and the two students are no longer allowed to come into any contact with each other but the mom of the girl asked me "well what was my daughter suppose to do?" I signed up to teach high school students, I cannot teach parents conflict resolution.

And finally, we have to consider that these students' lives are tumultuous at home and this might manifest itself in fighting. If I am going hungry or do not know where I am going to live the next day and you start insulting me, I am probably going to want to just shut you up and move on. Some of these students just do not have the energy to deal with the drama outside of school, the work in the classroom, and then getting messed with. I am not trying to make excuses for these students, so what it the answer? In terms of dealing with students who are on the brink of violence, I think teachers need to make their classroom a safe-haven. This is why the classroom needs to be a comfortable place where students do not cuss at or hit each other. They might have to deal with this in the halls or at home but in the classroom violence should be a non-issue. I have done an "okay" job of making this happen but I need to do a lot better. Even if students are just joking around any sort of play-hitting should not be tolerated. These students need to figure out how to express themselves other ways and if I am relaxed on this point then I am just contributing to the problem.

You wouldn't think you would have to make the rule "no hitting" in a high school classroom but from now on and for next year I need to make this rule explicitly clear. Well, I now know what this week's goal is going to be. :)

The BIG question

Quote #3: "Are you going to be here when we graduate? Are you going to be here next year to help us out?" - PM I got this huge knot in my stomach when one of the guys in my last period class asked me these questions. I absolutely LOVE my students! I never could have imagined feeling this way about a group of 200 15 year-olds, it is pretty much indescribale. I can only say that these students mean the world to me. I try my best to separate my work life from my personal life but sometimes I don't want to. I like the fact that my students want to stay after and talk to me for two hours and I like the fact that, even though they act like they do not like my class, they want to come in and spend time with me between their classes. Basically, I am personally invested in seeing my students succeed and be the best they possibly can be. When they do not meet their potential I take it personally and it breaks my heart.

Right now, I have already lost a number of amazing students because they have moved mid-year and tranferred schools. While I miss them all, there are a few that really struck a cord with me. It was like getting the wind knocked out of me. I have kept tabs on these students since the beginning: I have had meetings with their coaches, I have talked with their parents, I have escorted them to class when I caught them skipping....I have kept pushing them. And now they are no longer under my watch, I no longer know what they are doing or if they are succeeding. I do not mean to make this seem like my students keep me up at night with worry and remorse. I just love seeing them everyday and feel connected to them and it is this feeling that worries me for next year. Because if I feel this way after only losing a few of my students, what is it going to be like when I leave hundreds of them?

While I love my students, I do not intend on teaching for another year after my two year commitment. I would burn myself out, mentally and physically. I am far too passionate for my own good (in ALL areas of my life) and I knew my passion would be a problem when I started this job after only teaching in Atlanta for a few weeks. I try not to think that I have a large impact on these students, I do not want to give myself that much credit nor seem that "full of myself", it is easier to think you mean nothing than to admit you might be letting a lot people down about a year and a half down the road. Another issue I struggle with is the fact that the class I run is pretty much centered around me. Which isn't all that bad, I mean I get to tell my kids that the world really does revolve around me, but I have basically created a class where I am the main "selling point" so what happens when I am gone? I am all for someone coming in and running things more efficiently and structured, but I have seen other teachers' classrooms and I want to make sure who ever takes over my post will do a far better job than I do and not a worse one! Do you see what I mean about caring too much? This is why I have to leave because if I don't I never will.

I know that it will be incredibly difficult to leave these students in a year and half however I should let this concern fuel me to create a rock-solid curriculum for this course. So that when I leave I know that students will be able to succeed and learn important information. The reason I am posting this now is because the questions from my students have already started to come and the past term flew by so I know that the next year and a half is going to come and go like a split second. I know that leaving my first group of students is going to be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking and that is the reason I am preparing for it now.

Yeah, that's right...I am still blogging

Quote #2: "Ms. Broome, you are going to be the death of me." - DG This quote came as a result of the fact that I kept persisting that a student of mine stay focused and be "on the ball" for the ENTIRE class period. I don't think it is unreasonable or even unexpected that a teacher should insist that a student give their "all" during class. Students should come in prepared to learn and strive to be better. I am not asking for excellence, but I asking for effort. And it is that "demand" for effort that made my student say that I would be the death of him. Which begs the questions: what are they doing in their other classes that makes my expectations so unreasonable?

Now, I don't want to discount the work of the other teachers in my building, but it is comments like these that make me believe that these IPS students are not being held to high enough standards/expectations. It is true what TFA had been telling us from the beginning...1)if you set the expectations high, students will rise to them and 2)the main reason there are behavior issues is because a student doesn't understand something, not because they are trying to be a bad kid. It is so difficult for me to hear other teachers discounting a student or expecting them to fail because "they just are that way". I think it is attitudes like this that the students bank on and, in their minds, justify their behavior. My students have told me that they are "just IPS kids" as a way to rationalize their behavior and make it seem like I am pushing them too hard, however I think that BECAUSE they are IPS kids they need to be pushed harder than most. They need to see what they are capable of and that their hard work will pay off and it does matter that they try to do well in school.

My room is decorated with huge amounts of color and I have a relatively complex rewards/consequences system for my students, plus I track their grades on my wall. It is WAY too much work, however what I have come to realize the point is behind it all is to give these kids some sort of immediate reward/recognition that their hard work and effort is important and will be rewarded. I think these students are so used to feeling like they cannot succeed no matter what that they need to know that when they do something right they are being recognized for that. If you have spent your entire education career being recognized only when you have done something wrong then you are going to act out in order to get attention. It takes a lot of work to break that habit and to show students that they will get more attention for doing the right thing or putting in the effort to get a good grade. And this is what I am working on right now; putting more effort into giving them small victories so that they can work their way up to major ones.

And to bring it back to the original quote, because I know I have gone on a little bit of a tangent, I am committed to making sure these kids are continually told when they are being the most amazing versions of themselves and not letting up on them when they are not living up to their capabilities. (The catch here is that neither they nor I know their capabilities, so I am just going to keep pushing and pushing them.) And if this means that I am "going to be the death" of some of them, well then maybe that part of them that uses IPS, their background, or the people they hang out with as excuses needed to "die".

Ok, let's try this again...

Now I know that it has been a LONG time between my blog posts but I got so wrapped up in teaching and sleeping that my time always seemed to be slipping away. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I have no time, or not enough of it I should say, however the difference is about priorities and doing what makes me happy. Well I love being surrounded by others and being social and having amazing relationships but, unfortunately, many of my loved ones are not with me right now and that is why it makes sense to write this blog. I figure it is a way for people who cannot be here with me to still know what I experience, it's a way for me to share myself with others, and writing about what I see on a daily basis and the emotional rollercoaster that is life in Indianapolis is healthy.

One of the reasons I did not start this sooner was because I honestly didn't know where to begin. How do I start to spill my guts about the important things that are going on in my life without being overly cynical or depressing? Well folks, I now know the answer. This blog will center around the ridiculous comments that my students make which, on the surface, are hilarious and make my life so much more entertaining but if you look deeper these comments reveal a lot about the students and are applicable to life outside the classroom. So that's my story....and I'm sticking to it. Sorry that this post is going to be pretty long but just grin and bear it...

Quote Number 1: "Michael, when we graduate and live together, new rule: no girls over, we cannot be having any babies!" - TF This quote came during a lesson we were doing on the financial reasons to go to college. We laid out all the things you would have as monthly expenses and the kids saw very quickly how money can just disappear...like that! TF's outburst in class was absolutely the icing on the cake because at least the students are realizing some sort of life lesson.

I have had countless conversations with students about their procreation (yes, I did just use that word) habits and the habits of others they know and....let me tell you, it is shocking! If I fell into the "norm" that these kids experience I should have an 8 year-old by now; some of my students' moms are 29! (I am teaching high schoolers btw) I have had students tell me that they were going to miss my class period because they had to go take a pregnancy test or that, at 14 years old, condoms cramp their style and it doesn't matter if they father a child because they could just leave the state. And then there was the cherry on top when I found out one of my girls was pregnant and the reason another one had been missing was because she was out having her baby! WTF!?!

I have never considered myself a role model and I think it is particularly interesting that I ended up teaching a "life skills" class, since I feel like a hot mess most of the time. However, in this respect I think I can serve as an example of someone who does not align with their cultural norm. I am 23 years old, have no children, no fiance/husband, and have not come close to marriage...what is wrong with me? I like the fact that I don't make sense to these students, that I don't fit into how they thought the world operated, and that I might mess with their heads a little bit. Because, honestly, they mess with my world, haha. Any relationship you have in life shouldn't be one-sided and everyone needs to bring something new to the table; something that challenges you, adds to your life, etc. It's nice to know that my new student-teacher relationships are mutually beneficial.

All for now, deuces.....Melanie