Quote #4: "I don't wanna fight you. But if you mess with me, you'll get the best of me." - AS This quote came from a girl in my first period class who was trying, unsuccessfully by the way, to explain to me why fighting before school was the perfect time to fight. And I just thought this was the quintessential quote that sums up the students' views on violence at Manual. I have been taught my entire life that violence is never the answer and, in my opinion, I can make someone feel a lot worse with my words than I ever could by hitting them. So if the point of fighting is to hurt another person and get them to leave you alone, well I have been trained to accomplish this with words. But what if you did not have the vocabulary or cognitive ability to do this? What if you have been trained that violence is the last alternative but is always an acceptable method to deal with someone? What if you have so much anger about other things going on in your life that when someone starts messing with you all this previous anger is pushed over the edge by that one person and so you violent reaction really isn't a response to that particular situation but, instead, a response to everything else in your life?
Let's look a little more at these questions. While we might say violence is not the answer, very few people just let insults or bullying roll off their shoulders. Most people will at least insult the other person, try something passive-aggressive, or confront them. All of these options require the ability to express, in words, what you are feeling or thinking but some people, as a result of their education, might not have the practice or language skills necessary to do this. I had never thought of violence as a literacy issue, but isn't it? Non-violent communication is difficult for highly-educated people, many people still must have extensive practice in communication because the tendency is there to "shove it under the rug" or be passive-aggressive. But at least those who are well-educated might be able to find non-violent communication easier because they have the linguistic background needed to express their emotions after they have received the training to do so.
Now add a background of violence to a limited linguistic ability and is it any wonder that violence is not only tolerated but expected? When I was teaching my students a lesson on conflict resolution the first couple days we were going over the material were filled with comments like "well I would just hit him" or "I would teach her who she was messing with". It took two weeks to even get them to see that they could talk it out or that they should find out more information about a hearsay situation before they go beat the crap out of someone. However, in the end it seemed futile because they knew other ways to deal with their problems but they chose to use violence. They have seen violence work and I doubt that they have seen non-violent communication work nearly as effectively. Furthermore, their parents tolerate it. One girl smacked a guy in my class because he had whispered something to her as he walked by. I called both parents and the two students are no longer allowed to come into any contact with each other but the mom of the girl asked me "well what was my daughter suppose to do?" I signed up to teach high school students, I cannot teach parents conflict resolution.
And finally, we have to consider that these students' lives are tumultuous at home and this might manifest itself in fighting. If I am going hungry or do not know where I am going to live the next day and you start insulting me, I am probably going to want to just shut you up and move on. Some of these students just do not have the energy to deal with the drama outside of school, the work in the classroom, and then getting messed with. I am not trying to make excuses for these students, so what it the answer? In terms of dealing with students who are on the brink of violence, I think teachers need to make their classroom a safe-haven. This is why the classroom needs to be a comfortable place where students do not cuss at or hit each other. They might have to deal with this in the halls or at home but in the classroom violence should be a non-issue. I have done an "okay" job of making this happen but I need to do a lot better. Even if students are just joking around any sort of play-hitting should not be tolerated. These students need to figure out how to express themselves other ways and if I am relaxed on this point then I am just contributing to the problem.
You wouldn't think you would have to make the rule "no hitting" in a high school classroom but from now on and for next year I need to make this rule explicitly clear. Well, I now know what this week's goal is going to be. :)
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