Life skills after hours...when the REAL learning takes place

Quote #6: "Ms. Broome, so I liked this guy and we were hanging out but he told me that he didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now. But then like a week later he was ------'s boyfriend!" - DD After hearing this statement, I subsequently went into the book closet I have in my classroom pulled off my personal copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" (yes, I have that book in my classroom), handed it to the girl, and proclaimed, "sweetheart, I just saved you years of wasting your time!"

For the first few months of school, I had no real desire to stay after school at all. Once 2:30 hit I was, hopefully, out of there by 3, 3:30 at the latest. Why would I stay after school when all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap? My attitude has changed dramatically. The time I spend after school with my students is some of my most valuable time. If I end the school day on a bad note, I WANT to stay after school because I know the students that stay after with me will brighten my mood. I could have ended the day ready to hit someone, but after spending an hour with these kids I have renewed faith in my job. After school the line between student and teacher is blurred. Not in terms of who is in control and who is the "mature" adult but because we are teaching one another. I learn mountains of information from these kids after school and I am able to teach them blunt and honest life skills. So I would like to write about what my students have taught me....

1) People will never cease to shock you. It might take awhile to break them and get them to open up but once they do, if they do, what they tell you will probably blow you away. I was struggling to get this one boy "D" to write his college application essay. He didn't turn it in and decided to stay after school and I had to continually ask him questions to get him to think about a person or experience that influenced him. FINALLY, he looked up from his paper and said "well....my house got destroyed in Florida and that's why I am up here." Turns out, he house was obliterated by Hurricane Wilma and he witnessed the entire thing from a hurricane shelter. Needless to say, he now has a topic for his essay. But once this little fact spilled we couldn't get him to stop talking. I brought up gangs because I wanted to be "in the know" and not feel like students were ever pulling one over on me. I came to find out that his father is in prison in Florida, both his parents were members of a gang, and he, himself, grew up in the gang in Florida until he moved to Indianapolis. This is a small, skinny, white kid who cannot be any taller than 5'3"...just in case you were wondering.

2) Students at my school are having way too much sex and abstinence-only education is not doing shit for these students. A few days ago one of my pregnant students stayed after school with a few others and we all got to talking about pregnancies in the school. There have been at least half a dozen freshmen who have been pregnant already and those are only the ones I know about. If a girl disappears, for all I know it is just as likely that she is pregnant as she transferred schools. Furthermore, the girls I know about are just freshmen, not the countless upper-classmen who are walking around preggers. Even with all these pregnancies there will not be as many babies born, the majority of these girls have miscarriages. Their bodies are not ready to handle babies, plus they do not know how to take care of themselves and keep their body healthy enough to nourish a fetus. For example, one girl who miscarried ate hot cheetos and sprite for lunch. She could have eaten the food at the school, at least school lunch has to meet some nutritional standards, but she likes junk food. It is times like these that make me so scared for the future of these girls. They just have NO idea....and they are hurting others in the process of making stupid life decisions.

3) The only way you are EVER going to connect with another person or establish any sort of relationship is by being genuine. I learn the most about my students after school simply because I get to let down my teacher personality a little bit. Everything is a little more relaxed. This all became abundantly clear when one of my girls told me "dang Ms. Broome, I didn't know you were this cool, I just thought you gave us a lot of work." This one sentence put everything in perspective for me. Next year I will be a lot more transparent with my students. Now, being genuine should not be confused with being a push-over. Students normally know when they are acting out of line and if they know you genuinely care about them they honestly won't put up too much of a fight when you discipline them. They know they are in the wrong but they are testing you and it is expected that you react in some way. Therefore, next year I will focus on being more strict from the get-go but making it VERY clear to my students that I care about all their successes, failures, and lives, in general.

The stories my students tell me make my life even more enjoyable then it already is. The fact that they WANT to share their lives with me makes me feel incredibly blessed. I think the fact that they feel so comfortable telling me about their lives is because I have told them so much about mine. They know I have a roommate with a dog, a younger brother who is a little bit of a nerd, they met my mom and step-dad, they know about my summer in Atlanta, my travels abroad, etc. The ONLY thing they don't know is my age and it drives them crazy, haha! I have lived a great life thus far and I can use my stories to let my students know that there is a HUGE world out there. I have always said that relationships need to be a two-way street and my after school study groups just reassure me that I am correct in my thinking. I like to think (even though I may be incorrect) that I add something to my students' lives and they add so much to mine. Let's just say we keep one another in check and call it a day :)

When it rains, it pours...

Quote #5: "She came from off her knees to walking on her feet." - RS This quote came from an essay one of my students wrote for an assignment in my class. The assignment was to write a mock college application essay. It was an ambitious goal, especially since most students are not introduced to this concept until they are juniors in high school but I wanted my students to know what preparing for college looks like now. They need all the help they can get and I knew they were smart enough to handle this task. Besides, as opposed to middle class, white, suburban kids who might write about their accomplishments and talents, my students had the potential to write really raw/powerful stories that depict a world in which young kids prove unusually resilient to what would otherwise tear individuals apart. I asked for emotionally powerful stories and that is exactly what I got. Hence the title, when it rains personal narratives, it pours...

This quote came from an essay about one girl's single mom and how her mom had motivated her and turned her into the hard-working and dedicated person she is today. My pile of graded papers is chalk-full of stories about single moms and dads. About moms who abandon their children for drugs and the children finding it in their hearts to forgive their parent and move forward because they believe family is the most important thing there is. Stories about moms who had four kids by the time they were 22, still finished school, and have instilled this work ethic in their children. Then there is the story about a girl's aunt committing suicide and leaving her daughter behind for others to take care of. My family means the world to me (blood relation or not) and to read these stories about families is particularly difficult. It makes me wonder why they decided to share these stories. I know I asked for personal stories however, as someone who isn't usually upfront about my personal life, it is difficult for me to understand what compels someone to spill their emotional baggage in an essay. Is it because they don't see anything unusual with the story they are telling? Their type of family tragedy is just so commonplace that they can nonchalantly describe it. Is it because they feel comfortable sharing information with me? Or is it because they just want to be heard? I don't expect to answer these questions but it is something to think about...

Many of these stories take place within the last year, some of them while the student has been in my class. But I don't see this side of the students, I see the talkative, goofy, sassy/smart ass, funny side of these kids. Unless they tell me, I have no idea what goes on at their home. You could take these stories and feel bad for the kids and use the stories as excuses for why they behave the way they do but I believe there are more useful emotions than sympathy: admiration and commitment. My students AMAZE me, they make any problems I have in my life look simple. What do I know of heartache? Or loss? Or living without something or someone in my life? There are days I do not feel amazing but these kids have excuses to make them fell shitty every day and they come to school regardless. Not only do they come to school but on most days they smile and laugh and joke around.

I have heard from multiple people that, as a teacher, you should pretty much make yourself seem crazy. Mostly because it freaks your students out and they don't know what you are capable of doing and, therefore, will live in a state of constant suspense and want to pay attention. However, I don't think we can underestimate the entertainment value that being crazy plays in the classroom. If I act like a complete fool and am just that "weird" teacher (which a lot of my students have commented on) I can normally get the students to laugh and at least enjoy my class. Now I do not mean to imply that this works for all students, I know some students do not like my class BUT I know some students really love it and I think acting crazy might help out my cause. After reading these stories, I don't think I will ever underestimate what we will call the "entertainment aspect" in making my students' days more enjoyable. If you have something shitty to go home to and look forward to going to school to see your friends, then why not make students want to come to school to see their teachers as well?

On my mama...

Ok, so, my students are going absolutely CRAZY and they still have about 7 more weeks until Spring Break. They are getting restless and this restlessness is manifesting itself in fights breaking out. We had 4 fights on Monday and another fight in the cafeteria BEFORE school started on Tuesday. This seemed like a perfect time to discuss violence at Manual, plus the latest quote said by a student.

Quote #4: "I don't wanna fight you. But if you mess with me, you'll get the best of me." - AS This quote came from a girl in my first period class who was trying, unsuccessfully by the way, to explain to me why fighting before school was the perfect time to fight. And I just thought this was the quintessential quote that sums up the students' views on violence at Manual. I have been taught my entire life that violence is never the answer and, in my opinion, I can make someone feel a lot worse with my words than I ever could by hitting them. So if the point of fighting is to hurt another person and get them to leave you alone, well I have been trained to accomplish this with words. But what if you did not have the vocabulary or cognitive ability to do this? What if you have been trained that violence is the last alternative but is always an acceptable method to deal with someone? What if you have so much anger about other things going on in your life that when someone starts messing with you all this previous anger is pushed over the edge by that one person and so you violent reaction really isn't a response to that particular situation but, instead, a response to everything else in your life?

Let's look a little more at these questions. While we might say violence is not the answer, very few people just let insults or bullying roll off their shoulders. Most people will at least insult the other person, try something passive-aggressive, or confront them. All of these options require the ability to express, in words, what you are feeling or thinking but some people, as a result of their education, might not have the practice or language skills necessary to do this. I had never thought of violence as a literacy issue, but isn't it? Non-violent communication is difficult for highly-educated people, many people still must have extensive practice in communication because the tendency is there to "shove it under the rug" or be passive-aggressive. But at least those who are well-educated might be able to find non-violent communication easier because they have the linguistic background needed to express their emotions after they have received the training to do so.

Now add a background of violence to a limited linguistic ability and is it any wonder that violence is not only tolerated but expected? When I was teaching my students a lesson on conflict resolution the first couple days we were going over the material were filled with comments like "well I would just hit him" or "I would teach her who she was messing with". It took two weeks to even get them to see that they could talk it out or that they should find out more information about a hearsay situation before they go beat the crap out of someone. However, in the end it seemed futile because they knew other ways to deal with their problems but they chose to use violence. They have seen violence work and I doubt that they have seen non-violent communication work nearly as effectively. Furthermore, their parents tolerate it. One girl smacked a guy in my class because he had whispered something to her as he walked by. I called both parents and the two students are no longer allowed to come into any contact with each other but the mom of the girl asked me "well what was my daughter suppose to do?" I signed up to teach high school students, I cannot teach parents conflict resolution.

And finally, we have to consider that these students' lives are tumultuous at home and this might manifest itself in fighting. If I am going hungry or do not know where I am going to live the next day and you start insulting me, I am probably going to want to just shut you up and move on. Some of these students just do not have the energy to deal with the drama outside of school, the work in the classroom, and then getting messed with. I am not trying to make excuses for these students, so what it the answer? In terms of dealing with students who are on the brink of violence, I think teachers need to make their classroom a safe-haven. This is why the classroom needs to be a comfortable place where students do not cuss at or hit each other. They might have to deal with this in the halls or at home but in the classroom violence should be a non-issue. I have done an "okay" job of making this happen but I need to do a lot better. Even if students are just joking around any sort of play-hitting should not be tolerated. These students need to figure out how to express themselves other ways and if I am relaxed on this point then I am just contributing to the problem.

You wouldn't think you would have to make the rule "no hitting" in a high school classroom but from now on and for next year I need to make this rule explicitly clear. Well, I now know what this week's goal is going to be. :)