The BIG question

Quote #3: "Are you going to be here when we graduate? Are you going to be here next year to help us out?" - PM I got this huge knot in my stomach when one of the guys in my last period class asked me these questions. I absolutely LOVE my students! I never could have imagined feeling this way about a group of 200 15 year-olds, it is pretty much indescribale. I can only say that these students mean the world to me. I try my best to separate my work life from my personal life but sometimes I don't want to. I like the fact that my students want to stay after and talk to me for two hours and I like the fact that, even though they act like they do not like my class, they want to come in and spend time with me between their classes. Basically, I am personally invested in seeing my students succeed and be the best they possibly can be. When they do not meet their potential I take it personally and it breaks my heart.

Right now, I have already lost a number of amazing students because they have moved mid-year and tranferred schools. While I miss them all, there are a few that really struck a cord with me. It was like getting the wind knocked out of me. I have kept tabs on these students since the beginning: I have had meetings with their coaches, I have talked with their parents, I have escorted them to class when I caught them skipping....I have kept pushing them. And now they are no longer under my watch, I no longer know what they are doing or if they are succeeding. I do not mean to make this seem like my students keep me up at night with worry and remorse. I just love seeing them everyday and feel connected to them and it is this feeling that worries me for next year. Because if I feel this way after only losing a few of my students, what is it going to be like when I leave hundreds of them?

While I love my students, I do not intend on teaching for another year after my two year commitment. I would burn myself out, mentally and physically. I am far too passionate for my own good (in ALL areas of my life) and I knew my passion would be a problem when I started this job after only teaching in Atlanta for a few weeks. I try not to think that I have a large impact on these students, I do not want to give myself that much credit nor seem that "full of myself", it is easier to think you mean nothing than to admit you might be letting a lot people down about a year and a half down the road. Another issue I struggle with is the fact that the class I run is pretty much centered around me. Which isn't all that bad, I mean I get to tell my kids that the world really does revolve around me, but I have basically created a class where I am the main "selling point" so what happens when I am gone? I am all for someone coming in and running things more efficiently and structured, but I have seen other teachers' classrooms and I want to make sure who ever takes over my post will do a far better job than I do and not a worse one! Do you see what I mean about caring too much? This is why I have to leave because if I don't I never will.

I know that it will be incredibly difficult to leave these students in a year and half however I should let this concern fuel me to create a rock-solid curriculum for this course. So that when I leave I know that students will be able to succeed and learn important information. The reason I am posting this now is because the questions from my students have already started to come and the past term flew by so I know that the next year and a half is going to come and go like a split second. I know that leaving my first group of students is going to be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking and that is the reason I am preparing for it now.

Yeah, that's right...I am still blogging

Quote #2: "Ms. Broome, you are going to be the death of me." - DG This quote came as a result of the fact that I kept persisting that a student of mine stay focused and be "on the ball" for the ENTIRE class period. I don't think it is unreasonable or even unexpected that a teacher should insist that a student give their "all" during class. Students should come in prepared to learn and strive to be better. I am not asking for excellence, but I asking for effort. And it is that "demand" for effort that made my student say that I would be the death of him. Which begs the questions: what are they doing in their other classes that makes my expectations so unreasonable?

Now, I don't want to discount the work of the other teachers in my building, but it is comments like these that make me believe that these IPS students are not being held to high enough standards/expectations. It is true what TFA had been telling us from the beginning...1)if you set the expectations high, students will rise to them and 2)the main reason there are behavior issues is because a student doesn't understand something, not because they are trying to be a bad kid. It is so difficult for me to hear other teachers discounting a student or expecting them to fail because "they just are that way". I think it is attitudes like this that the students bank on and, in their minds, justify their behavior. My students have told me that they are "just IPS kids" as a way to rationalize their behavior and make it seem like I am pushing them too hard, however I think that BECAUSE they are IPS kids they need to be pushed harder than most. They need to see what they are capable of and that their hard work will pay off and it does matter that they try to do well in school.

My room is decorated with huge amounts of color and I have a relatively complex rewards/consequences system for my students, plus I track their grades on my wall. It is WAY too much work, however what I have come to realize the point is behind it all is to give these kids some sort of immediate reward/recognition that their hard work and effort is important and will be rewarded. I think these students are so used to feeling like they cannot succeed no matter what that they need to know that when they do something right they are being recognized for that. If you have spent your entire education career being recognized only when you have done something wrong then you are going to act out in order to get attention. It takes a lot of work to break that habit and to show students that they will get more attention for doing the right thing or putting in the effort to get a good grade. And this is what I am working on right now; putting more effort into giving them small victories so that they can work their way up to major ones.

And to bring it back to the original quote, because I know I have gone on a little bit of a tangent, I am committed to making sure these kids are continually told when they are being the most amazing versions of themselves and not letting up on them when they are not living up to their capabilities. (The catch here is that neither they nor I know their capabilities, so I am just going to keep pushing and pushing them.) And if this means that I am "going to be the death" of some of them, well then maybe that part of them that uses IPS, their background, or the people they hang out with as excuses needed to "die".

Ok, let's try this again...

Now I know that it has been a LONG time between my blog posts but I got so wrapped up in teaching and sleeping that my time always seemed to be slipping away. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I have no time, or not enough of it I should say, however the difference is about priorities and doing what makes me happy. Well I love being surrounded by others and being social and having amazing relationships but, unfortunately, many of my loved ones are not with me right now and that is why it makes sense to write this blog. I figure it is a way for people who cannot be here with me to still know what I experience, it's a way for me to share myself with others, and writing about what I see on a daily basis and the emotional rollercoaster that is life in Indianapolis is healthy.

One of the reasons I did not start this sooner was because I honestly didn't know where to begin. How do I start to spill my guts about the important things that are going on in my life without being overly cynical or depressing? Well folks, I now know the answer. This blog will center around the ridiculous comments that my students make which, on the surface, are hilarious and make my life so much more entertaining but if you look deeper these comments reveal a lot about the students and are applicable to life outside the classroom. So that's my story....and I'm sticking to it. Sorry that this post is going to be pretty long but just grin and bear it...

Quote Number 1: "Michael, when we graduate and live together, new rule: no girls over, we cannot be having any babies!" - TF This quote came during a lesson we were doing on the financial reasons to go to college. We laid out all the things you would have as monthly expenses and the kids saw very quickly how money can just disappear...like that! TF's outburst in class was absolutely the icing on the cake because at least the students are realizing some sort of life lesson.

I have had countless conversations with students about their procreation (yes, I did just use that word) habits and the habits of others they know and....let me tell you, it is shocking! If I fell into the "norm" that these kids experience I should have an 8 year-old by now; some of my students' moms are 29! (I am teaching high schoolers btw) I have had students tell me that they were going to miss my class period because they had to go take a pregnancy test or that, at 14 years old, condoms cramp their style and it doesn't matter if they father a child because they could just leave the state. And then there was the cherry on top when I found out one of my girls was pregnant and the reason another one had been missing was because she was out having her baby! WTF!?!

I have never considered myself a role model and I think it is particularly interesting that I ended up teaching a "life skills" class, since I feel like a hot mess most of the time. However, in this respect I think I can serve as an example of someone who does not align with their cultural norm. I am 23 years old, have no children, no fiance/husband, and have not come close to marriage...what is wrong with me? I like the fact that I don't make sense to these students, that I don't fit into how they thought the world operated, and that I might mess with their heads a little bit. Because, honestly, they mess with my world, haha. Any relationship you have in life shouldn't be one-sided and everyone needs to bring something new to the table; something that challenges you, adds to your life, etc. It's nice to know that my new student-teacher relationships are mutually beneficial.

All for now, deuces.....Melanie