Things are looking up...

Quote #7: "Ms. Broome, you make his heart smile." - JC This is just one of the many ridiculous quotes that come from my boys in my last period class. Three days prior these boys also serenaded "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" to me during class. This period used to be my worst and, don't get me wrong, some days they can really try my patience but the fact that these students want to come to class now, help out around my classroom, and are doing their work is a major achievement. It is just one of many things that have changed for the better in my classroom.

In all honesty, I have no idea what has really changed. Maybe I know the students better, maybe they know me better, my students might have matured a little, I might have relaxed a little bit, or maybe it's a combination of all the above. But, regardless, some extreme changes have occurred in my classroom and these changes are making my classroom even more fun for these last two months of school. The students that have always been great are still amazing and hard-working but the students who use to give me hell, for some unknown reason, have decided I am not half bad and just want to joke around with me as opposed to fight with me. I don't mean to boast, but I have become so popular with my students that I am finding it difficult to enforce lunch detention because my students like spending their lunch time with me; it is no longer a punishment!

These changes in my classroom have taught me a few things. Namely, that I should not get discouraged with my students because no matter where they begin in my class you never know where our relationship is going to be at the end of the year. I need to remember this for next year when I have to start building these relationships all over again but I am hoping that my next year students and I get to the place I am at right now a little before March. I have never doubted the role humor plays in the classroom but I have learned that kids just want to play around. I think that many of my students are under the impression that class time and fun are antonyms. However, the minute that they realize they can have fun while doing their work it completely alters their way of thinking and all of a sudden they will do whatever you ask them because they know, in some way, that it will be fun. Even if the activity or assignment isn't one of the most exciting (I mean, let's face it, something like word processing skills isn't incredibly enthralling) my students no longer give me trouble because we can joke around and have a good time doing something a little boring.

This year is wrapping up quite nicely! I can't wait for my students to be sophomores next year and to meet my newest group of freshmen!

Life skills after hours...when the REAL learning takes place

Quote #6: "Ms. Broome, so I liked this guy and we were hanging out but he told me that he didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now. But then like a week later he was ------'s boyfriend!" - DD After hearing this statement, I subsequently went into the book closet I have in my classroom pulled off my personal copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" (yes, I have that book in my classroom), handed it to the girl, and proclaimed, "sweetheart, I just saved you years of wasting your time!"

For the first few months of school, I had no real desire to stay after school at all. Once 2:30 hit I was, hopefully, out of there by 3, 3:30 at the latest. Why would I stay after school when all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap? My attitude has changed dramatically. The time I spend after school with my students is some of my most valuable time. If I end the school day on a bad note, I WANT to stay after school because I know the students that stay after with me will brighten my mood. I could have ended the day ready to hit someone, but after spending an hour with these kids I have renewed faith in my job. After school the line between student and teacher is blurred. Not in terms of who is in control and who is the "mature" adult but because we are teaching one another. I learn mountains of information from these kids after school and I am able to teach them blunt and honest life skills. So I would like to write about what my students have taught me....

1) People will never cease to shock you. It might take awhile to break them and get them to open up but once they do, if they do, what they tell you will probably blow you away. I was struggling to get this one boy "D" to write his college application essay. He didn't turn it in and decided to stay after school and I had to continually ask him questions to get him to think about a person or experience that influenced him. FINALLY, he looked up from his paper and said "well....my house got destroyed in Florida and that's why I am up here." Turns out, he house was obliterated by Hurricane Wilma and he witnessed the entire thing from a hurricane shelter. Needless to say, he now has a topic for his essay. But once this little fact spilled we couldn't get him to stop talking. I brought up gangs because I wanted to be "in the know" and not feel like students were ever pulling one over on me. I came to find out that his father is in prison in Florida, both his parents were members of a gang, and he, himself, grew up in the gang in Florida until he moved to Indianapolis. This is a small, skinny, white kid who cannot be any taller than 5'3"...just in case you were wondering.

2) Students at my school are having way too much sex and abstinence-only education is not doing shit for these students. A few days ago one of my pregnant students stayed after school with a few others and we all got to talking about pregnancies in the school. There have been at least half a dozen freshmen who have been pregnant already and those are only the ones I know about. If a girl disappears, for all I know it is just as likely that she is pregnant as she transferred schools. Furthermore, the girls I know about are just freshmen, not the countless upper-classmen who are walking around preggers. Even with all these pregnancies there will not be as many babies born, the majority of these girls have miscarriages. Their bodies are not ready to handle babies, plus they do not know how to take care of themselves and keep their body healthy enough to nourish a fetus. For example, one girl who miscarried ate hot cheetos and sprite for lunch. She could have eaten the food at the school, at least school lunch has to meet some nutritional standards, but she likes junk food. It is times like these that make me so scared for the future of these girls. They just have NO idea....and they are hurting others in the process of making stupid life decisions.

3) The only way you are EVER going to connect with another person or establish any sort of relationship is by being genuine. I learn the most about my students after school simply because I get to let down my teacher personality a little bit. Everything is a little more relaxed. This all became abundantly clear when one of my girls told me "dang Ms. Broome, I didn't know you were this cool, I just thought you gave us a lot of work." This one sentence put everything in perspective for me. Next year I will be a lot more transparent with my students. Now, being genuine should not be confused with being a push-over. Students normally know when they are acting out of line and if they know you genuinely care about them they honestly won't put up too much of a fight when you discipline them. They know they are in the wrong but they are testing you and it is expected that you react in some way. Therefore, next year I will focus on being more strict from the get-go but making it VERY clear to my students that I care about all their successes, failures, and lives, in general.

The stories my students tell me make my life even more enjoyable then it already is. The fact that they WANT to share their lives with me makes me feel incredibly blessed. I think the fact that they feel so comfortable telling me about their lives is because I have told them so much about mine. They know I have a roommate with a dog, a younger brother who is a little bit of a nerd, they met my mom and step-dad, they know about my summer in Atlanta, my travels abroad, etc. The ONLY thing they don't know is my age and it drives them crazy, haha! I have lived a great life thus far and I can use my stories to let my students know that there is a HUGE world out there. I have always said that relationships need to be a two-way street and my after school study groups just reassure me that I am correct in my thinking. I like to think (even though I may be incorrect) that I add something to my students' lives and they add so much to mine. Let's just say we keep one another in check and call it a day :)

When it rains, it pours...

Quote #5: "She came from off her knees to walking on her feet." - RS This quote came from an essay one of my students wrote for an assignment in my class. The assignment was to write a mock college application essay. It was an ambitious goal, especially since most students are not introduced to this concept until they are juniors in high school but I wanted my students to know what preparing for college looks like now. They need all the help they can get and I knew they were smart enough to handle this task. Besides, as opposed to middle class, white, suburban kids who might write about their accomplishments and talents, my students had the potential to write really raw/powerful stories that depict a world in which young kids prove unusually resilient to what would otherwise tear individuals apart. I asked for emotionally powerful stories and that is exactly what I got. Hence the title, when it rains personal narratives, it pours...

This quote came from an essay about one girl's single mom and how her mom had motivated her and turned her into the hard-working and dedicated person she is today. My pile of graded papers is chalk-full of stories about single moms and dads. About moms who abandon their children for drugs and the children finding it in their hearts to forgive their parent and move forward because they believe family is the most important thing there is. Stories about moms who had four kids by the time they were 22, still finished school, and have instilled this work ethic in their children. Then there is the story about a girl's aunt committing suicide and leaving her daughter behind for others to take care of. My family means the world to me (blood relation or not) and to read these stories about families is particularly difficult. It makes me wonder why they decided to share these stories. I know I asked for personal stories however, as someone who isn't usually upfront about my personal life, it is difficult for me to understand what compels someone to spill their emotional baggage in an essay. Is it because they don't see anything unusual with the story they are telling? Their type of family tragedy is just so commonplace that they can nonchalantly describe it. Is it because they feel comfortable sharing information with me? Or is it because they just want to be heard? I don't expect to answer these questions but it is something to think about...

Many of these stories take place within the last year, some of them while the student has been in my class. But I don't see this side of the students, I see the talkative, goofy, sassy/smart ass, funny side of these kids. Unless they tell me, I have no idea what goes on at their home. You could take these stories and feel bad for the kids and use the stories as excuses for why they behave the way they do but I believe there are more useful emotions than sympathy: admiration and commitment. My students AMAZE me, they make any problems I have in my life look simple. What do I know of heartache? Or loss? Or living without something or someone in my life? There are days I do not feel amazing but these kids have excuses to make them fell shitty every day and they come to school regardless. Not only do they come to school but on most days they smile and laugh and joke around.

I have heard from multiple people that, as a teacher, you should pretty much make yourself seem crazy. Mostly because it freaks your students out and they don't know what you are capable of doing and, therefore, will live in a state of constant suspense and want to pay attention. However, I don't think we can underestimate the entertainment value that being crazy plays in the classroom. If I act like a complete fool and am just that "weird" teacher (which a lot of my students have commented on) I can normally get the students to laugh and at least enjoy my class. Now I do not mean to imply that this works for all students, I know some students do not like my class BUT I know some students really love it and I think acting crazy might help out my cause. After reading these stories, I don't think I will ever underestimate what we will call the "entertainment aspect" in making my students' days more enjoyable. If you have something shitty to go home to and look forward to going to school to see your friends, then why not make students want to come to school to see their teachers as well?

On my mama...

Ok, so, my students are going absolutely CRAZY and they still have about 7 more weeks until Spring Break. They are getting restless and this restlessness is manifesting itself in fights breaking out. We had 4 fights on Monday and another fight in the cafeteria BEFORE school started on Tuesday. This seemed like a perfect time to discuss violence at Manual, plus the latest quote said by a student.

Quote #4: "I don't wanna fight you. But if you mess with me, you'll get the best of me." - AS This quote came from a girl in my first period class who was trying, unsuccessfully by the way, to explain to me why fighting before school was the perfect time to fight. And I just thought this was the quintessential quote that sums up the students' views on violence at Manual. I have been taught my entire life that violence is never the answer and, in my opinion, I can make someone feel a lot worse with my words than I ever could by hitting them. So if the point of fighting is to hurt another person and get them to leave you alone, well I have been trained to accomplish this with words. But what if you did not have the vocabulary or cognitive ability to do this? What if you have been trained that violence is the last alternative but is always an acceptable method to deal with someone? What if you have so much anger about other things going on in your life that when someone starts messing with you all this previous anger is pushed over the edge by that one person and so you violent reaction really isn't a response to that particular situation but, instead, a response to everything else in your life?

Let's look a little more at these questions. While we might say violence is not the answer, very few people just let insults or bullying roll off their shoulders. Most people will at least insult the other person, try something passive-aggressive, or confront them. All of these options require the ability to express, in words, what you are feeling or thinking but some people, as a result of their education, might not have the practice or language skills necessary to do this. I had never thought of violence as a literacy issue, but isn't it? Non-violent communication is difficult for highly-educated people, many people still must have extensive practice in communication because the tendency is there to "shove it under the rug" or be passive-aggressive. But at least those who are well-educated might be able to find non-violent communication easier because they have the linguistic background needed to express their emotions after they have received the training to do so.

Now add a background of violence to a limited linguistic ability and is it any wonder that violence is not only tolerated but expected? When I was teaching my students a lesson on conflict resolution the first couple days we were going over the material were filled with comments like "well I would just hit him" or "I would teach her who she was messing with". It took two weeks to even get them to see that they could talk it out or that they should find out more information about a hearsay situation before they go beat the crap out of someone. However, in the end it seemed futile because they knew other ways to deal with their problems but they chose to use violence. They have seen violence work and I doubt that they have seen non-violent communication work nearly as effectively. Furthermore, their parents tolerate it. One girl smacked a guy in my class because he had whispered something to her as he walked by. I called both parents and the two students are no longer allowed to come into any contact with each other but the mom of the girl asked me "well what was my daughter suppose to do?" I signed up to teach high school students, I cannot teach parents conflict resolution.

And finally, we have to consider that these students' lives are tumultuous at home and this might manifest itself in fighting. If I am going hungry or do not know where I am going to live the next day and you start insulting me, I am probably going to want to just shut you up and move on. Some of these students just do not have the energy to deal with the drama outside of school, the work in the classroom, and then getting messed with. I am not trying to make excuses for these students, so what it the answer? In terms of dealing with students who are on the brink of violence, I think teachers need to make their classroom a safe-haven. This is why the classroom needs to be a comfortable place where students do not cuss at or hit each other. They might have to deal with this in the halls or at home but in the classroom violence should be a non-issue. I have done an "okay" job of making this happen but I need to do a lot better. Even if students are just joking around any sort of play-hitting should not be tolerated. These students need to figure out how to express themselves other ways and if I am relaxed on this point then I am just contributing to the problem.

You wouldn't think you would have to make the rule "no hitting" in a high school classroom but from now on and for next year I need to make this rule explicitly clear. Well, I now know what this week's goal is going to be. :)

The BIG question

Quote #3: "Are you going to be here when we graduate? Are you going to be here next year to help us out?" - PM I got this huge knot in my stomach when one of the guys in my last period class asked me these questions. I absolutely LOVE my students! I never could have imagined feeling this way about a group of 200 15 year-olds, it is pretty much indescribale. I can only say that these students mean the world to me. I try my best to separate my work life from my personal life but sometimes I don't want to. I like the fact that my students want to stay after and talk to me for two hours and I like the fact that, even though they act like they do not like my class, they want to come in and spend time with me between their classes. Basically, I am personally invested in seeing my students succeed and be the best they possibly can be. When they do not meet their potential I take it personally and it breaks my heart.

Right now, I have already lost a number of amazing students because they have moved mid-year and tranferred schools. While I miss them all, there are a few that really struck a cord with me. It was like getting the wind knocked out of me. I have kept tabs on these students since the beginning: I have had meetings with their coaches, I have talked with their parents, I have escorted them to class when I caught them skipping....I have kept pushing them. And now they are no longer under my watch, I no longer know what they are doing or if they are succeeding. I do not mean to make this seem like my students keep me up at night with worry and remorse. I just love seeing them everyday and feel connected to them and it is this feeling that worries me for next year. Because if I feel this way after only losing a few of my students, what is it going to be like when I leave hundreds of them?

While I love my students, I do not intend on teaching for another year after my two year commitment. I would burn myself out, mentally and physically. I am far too passionate for my own good (in ALL areas of my life) and I knew my passion would be a problem when I started this job after only teaching in Atlanta for a few weeks. I try not to think that I have a large impact on these students, I do not want to give myself that much credit nor seem that "full of myself", it is easier to think you mean nothing than to admit you might be letting a lot people down about a year and a half down the road. Another issue I struggle with is the fact that the class I run is pretty much centered around me. Which isn't all that bad, I mean I get to tell my kids that the world really does revolve around me, but I have basically created a class where I am the main "selling point" so what happens when I am gone? I am all for someone coming in and running things more efficiently and structured, but I have seen other teachers' classrooms and I want to make sure who ever takes over my post will do a far better job than I do and not a worse one! Do you see what I mean about caring too much? This is why I have to leave because if I don't I never will.

I know that it will be incredibly difficult to leave these students in a year and half however I should let this concern fuel me to create a rock-solid curriculum for this course. So that when I leave I know that students will be able to succeed and learn important information. The reason I am posting this now is because the questions from my students have already started to come and the past term flew by so I know that the next year and a half is going to come and go like a split second. I know that leaving my first group of students is going to be incredibly difficult and heartbreaking and that is the reason I am preparing for it now.

Yeah, that's right...I am still blogging

Quote #2: "Ms. Broome, you are going to be the death of me." - DG This quote came as a result of the fact that I kept persisting that a student of mine stay focused and be "on the ball" for the ENTIRE class period. I don't think it is unreasonable or even unexpected that a teacher should insist that a student give their "all" during class. Students should come in prepared to learn and strive to be better. I am not asking for excellence, but I asking for effort. And it is that "demand" for effort that made my student say that I would be the death of him. Which begs the questions: what are they doing in their other classes that makes my expectations so unreasonable?

Now, I don't want to discount the work of the other teachers in my building, but it is comments like these that make me believe that these IPS students are not being held to high enough standards/expectations. It is true what TFA had been telling us from the beginning...1)if you set the expectations high, students will rise to them and 2)the main reason there are behavior issues is because a student doesn't understand something, not because they are trying to be a bad kid. It is so difficult for me to hear other teachers discounting a student or expecting them to fail because "they just are that way". I think it is attitudes like this that the students bank on and, in their minds, justify their behavior. My students have told me that they are "just IPS kids" as a way to rationalize their behavior and make it seem like I am pushing them too hard, however I think that BECAUSE they are IPS kids they need to be pushed harder than most. They need to see what they are capable of and that their hard work will pay off and it does matter that they try to do well in school.

My room is decorated with huge amounts of color and I have a relatively complex rewards/consequences system for my students, plus I track their grades on my wall. It is WAY too much work, however what I have come to realize the point is behind it all is to give these kids some sort of immediate reward/recognition that their hard work and effort is important and will be rewarded. I think these students are so used to feeling like they cannot succeed no matter what that they need to know that when they do something right they are being recognized for that. If you have spent your entire education career being recognized only when you have done something wrong then you are going to act out in order to get attention. It takes a lot of work to break that habit and to show students that they will get more attention for doing the right thing or putting in the effort to get a good grade. And this is what I am working on right now; putting more effort into giving them small victories so that they can work their way up to major ones.

And to bring it back to the original quote, because I know I have gone on a little bit of a tangent, I am committed to making sure these kids are continually told when they are being the most amazing versions of themselves and not letting up on them when they are not living up to their capabilities. (The catch here is that neither they nor I know their capabilities, so I am just going to keep pushing and pushing them.) And if this means that I am "going to be the death" of some of them, well then maybe that part of them that uses IPS, their background, or the people they hang out with as excuses needed to "die".

Ok, let's try this again...

Now I know that it has been a LONG time between my blog posts but I got so wrapped up in teaching and sleeping that my time always seemed to be slipping away. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like I have no time, or not enough of it I should say, however the difference is about priorities and doing what makes me happy. Well I love being surrounded by others and being social and having amazing relationships but, unfortunately, many of my loved ones are not with me right now and that is why it makes sense to write this blog. I figure it is a way for people who cannot be here with me to still know what I experience, it's a way for me to share myself with others, and writing about what I see on a daily basis and the emotional rollercoaster that is life in Indianapolis is healthy.

One of the reasons I did not start this sooner was because I honestly didn't know where to begin. How do I start to spill my guts about the important things that are going on in my life without being overly cynical or depressing? Well folks, I now know the answer. This blog will center around the ridiculous comments that my students make which, on the surface, are hilarious and make my life so much more entertaining but if you look deeper these comments reveal a lot about the students and are applicable to life outside the classroom. So that's my story....and I'm sticking to it. Sorry that this post is going to be pretty long but just grin and bear it...

Quote Number 1: "Michael, when we graduate and live together, new rule: no girls over, we cannot be having any babies!" - TF This quote came during a lesson we were doing on the financial reasons to go to college. We laid out all the things you would have as monthly expenses and the kids saw very quickly how money can just disappear...like that! TF's outburst in class was absolutely the icing on the cake because at least the students are realizing some sort of life lesson.

I have had countless conversations with students about their procreation (yes, I did just use that word) habits and the habits of others they know and....let me tell you, it is shocking! If I fell into the "norm" that these kids experience I should have an 8 year-old by now; some of my students' moms are 29! (I am teaching high schoolers btw) I have had students tell me that they were going to miss my class period because they had to go take a pregnancy test or that, at 14 years old, condoms cramp their style and it doesn't matter if they father a child because they could just leave the state. And then there was the cherry on top when I found out one of my girls was pregnant and the reason another one had been missing was because she was out having her baby! WTF!?!

I have never considered myself a role model and I think it is particularly interesting that I ended up teaching a "life skills" class, since I feel like a hot mess most of the time. However, in this respect I think I can serve as an example of someone who does not align with their cultural norm. I am 23 years old, have no children, no fiance/husband, and have not come close to marriage...what is wrong with me? I like the fact that I don't make sense to these students, that I don't fit into how they thought the world operated, and that I might mess with their heads a little bit. Because, honestly, they mess with my world, haha. Any relationship you have in life shouldn't be one-sided and everyone needs to bring something new to the table; something that challenges you, adds to your life, etc. It's nice to know that my new student-teacher relationships are mutually beneficial.

All for now, deuces.....Melanie