Getting in an 8th Grade Frame of Mind

Quote #2: "Ms. Broome, I honestly have no idea how your mind works." - KC It might have been a rough day but hearing my student say this to me made me burst out in laughter. I have long suspected that half of what my students and I say to each other is lost in translation and this quote simply solidified this belief in my mind. It must be a very interesting world in my students' minds because their over-the-top reaction to simple events makes me believe they see the world through a paradigm I really cannot even comprehend. And the fact that they do not understand my rationale half the time makes me think the feeling is mutual.

Which brings me to the larger issue dealing with the fact that maybe one small piece of the problem when it comes to student academic achievement is that students aren't really hearing what teachers are saying. I was having a discussion with two math teachers last year at the high school I worked at and they very assertively told me that "these students just can't do algebra." Well I'm sorry but I tutored some of these students after school and they, in fact, could do algebra however their minds just work in different ways. So when a teacher says coordinate-plane to these students I can guarantee that the first thing that comes to mind IS NOT a location where you plot points. There is a disconnect going on between what the students are hearing, what the teachers are saying, and how the teachers are explaining the subject.

I do not claim to be exempt from this problem. I definitely have had that feeling where I'm the teacher in the Charlie Brown show or where I get done explaining something and my students look at me like I am from Mars. However, at least I recognize this part of the puzzle and am making some sort of attempt to correct it, instead of blaming it all on the students' intelligence levels. I do not think the solution is "dumbing" the material down, instead we need to find a way to make is more accessible. Not everyone learns the same and I can, without a doubt, promise you that inner-city black students do not think the same as middle-class, suburban white kids. Instead of resigning ourselves to the idea that our students "just can't" do something, why don't we assume they can but there is a cognitive disconnect that we need to work around? It might be more difficult and not in our job description, but aren't we, as teachers, suppose to try exhaust all our options when providing our students with the opportunities to learn. I could not deal with giving my students less than all my effort and then blaming their failure on them. I cannot force a student to do something but I can try to provide them with the best opportunity possible.

There is a quote from The Wire where a drug dealer is trying to help his sister with a math problem. She can't do the word problem in her head so he puts it in terms of a drug deal and she gets it right away. When he asks her "why are you able to figure it out when I say it?" She responds "because if I get the deal wrong, I get beaten." I'm not saying we beat our students but this quotation just goes to show that our students do not think in terms of abstract concepts, they need something tangible to hold onto.

My project

I do not have a really long entry today. But, in a ploy to supply my classroom with more books, I am posting the link to my donors choose project. I do not expect that a lot of people read my blog, but in the off-chance that someone comes along and wants to help out 125 inner-city kids I would like to be able to provide them with the opportunity.

I posted this project about 2-3 weeks ago and the goal of it is to supply my classroom with more books for my students to read during their independent reading time. So take a look and see if it might be something you could get behind. :)

donorschoose.org/msbroome

Ahh, middle school...

Quote #1: "You know Ms. Broome. She will mess you up." - DW

It's been almost two months since I started teaching my second year with Indianapolis Public Schools, however this year I am at a different school. I am now teaching at a middle school located on the Westside of the city. I actually do like this year better for a number of reasons but there are so many differences between this year and last year that I don't feel like it is fair to compare the two experiences. But who said life was fair?

I am different this year. I learned my lesson about being too nice at the beginning of the school year and did not make that mistake this year. My students know that I am always hassling them to make sure their behavior is where it should be. I know that no matter what happens I am the one in control and there is no way in hell a 13 year-old is going to try to talk back to me. I don't care how they behave at home, they know that I am the one in charge in that classroom. While this might seem small, the fact that I believe and have put into practice that previous statement means that I am a lot less stressed this year. I might not know how the kids will behave but I know how I will act and there is a strange peace of mind that comes with that acknowledgement. The quote above is from one of my students when a student asked if I was going to sign up for football and I told them "no" because I didn't want to hurt them, thus prompting the quote from my student. While it was said in a joking context, it does sum up the fact that my students know I'm not playing around when it comes to their education and discipline.

The student are different. First of all, they are not as funny. The ridiculous comments/pick-up lines I heard last year are not coming nearly as frequently, which is a little disappointing. But I have faith that as I get to know the students better their goofy sides will be shown a little more. Secondly, the students are soooooo much more hormonal! I thought freshmen were bad; oh no, eighth graders are on a roller coaster of emotions and even they don't know if they will be at a high or a low point. I have never seen students go from bouncing off the walls to wanting to go to sleep so quickly. And lastly, they are more respectful. The fact that I have not been cussed out yet or called a bitch to my face is a major accomplishment. I like the fact that 8th graders are still at that weird age where you can be sarcastic with them but they also know that they need to listen to adults. Last year, my students thought we were too much like friends; I'm not having that same problem this year.

My subject area is different. I am no longer teaching life skills, which is both good and bad. I didn't realize how nice it was to teach a subject that I could not be held accountable for. A lot more pressure comes with teaching a core subject where there are standards and accurate measures of how much you are actually teaching the students. While I like teaching a subject that I feel is important and necessary, I miss being able to basically do whatever the heck I wanted to do. I also have my doubts that I am actually teaching these children anything; I'm not sure if I am teaching them the right stuff; I'm not sure if what I am saying makes sense. All these things combined make for a lot more stress on my life. However, I know how to deal with stress and have resigned to just doing the best I can and hoping that this is good enough.

The year has started off decently enough and time is flying by. I know that the rest of the school year has a lot of exciting opportunities and challenges ahead and I think tackling them is going to be a pretty good time. And hopefully my students will say some more random quotes so I will have some material to blog about.

The ripple effect

I thought I would be able to make it through the summer without blogging but, alas, my thoughts are crowding my brain and after weeks of not being able to sleep through the night I have to blog about something. Just to open up a little space in my head. :)

I am spending the majority of my summer in Oregon because, let's face it, is there really any better place than Oregon in the summer? I think not. Spending almost six weeks in Oregon also gives me the chance to catch up with friends and family. I have been traveling through Oregon and Washington and have been making appearances at family gatherings and such things. I love getting to see everyone and meet new people, however I am finding that I keep having the same conversation. My involvement in Teach for America somehow gets brought up every time I begin a new conversation with someone. It's not like I meet someone and say "Hi, I'm Melanie and I am in Teach for America" but we get to talking and I inevitably have to offer an explanation for why an Oregonian would move to the MidWest, why a non-education major is teaching, etc. And when Teach for America gets brought up, oh dear Lord, I know that I am now committed to talking about it for at least 30 minutes and sometimes up to two hours!

I can't really hold it against people or be mad at them for wanting to know more about teaching in a low-income area or TFA but sometimes this is ALL I talk about. I spent the better part of last semester trying to remember my life before TFA and getting comfortable with my new life in Indy: one that doesn't revolve around being a teacher 24/7. So now that I can identify myself as more than a "teacher" I find that it might be a little difficult for other people to do so. Ask me about what I do in Indy, my friends, my thoughts on anything other than the education system and teaching....please. However, my, seemingly, constant conversation about TFA does have a silver lining: exposure for TFA.

It is no secret that TFA has an agenda that goes beyond achieving significant gains in the classroom. They want to create an extensive and powerful alumni base, people that will go on to become proponents for education reform in law, business, politics, etc. People that will have great, and hopefully affluent, careers that will then give back to the cause in any way that can. However, TFA corps members and alumni contribute to a, shall we say, grassroots movement of TFA simply by existing. My experiences and my sharing of these experiences gets the TFA message out to people who might not have ever considered education reform or thought about what goes on in urban education. Because I have had a positive experience within TFA and am willing to talk about it, like so many other corps members, I have become a player, albeit an insignificant one, in a campaign to educate the public about the trouble the American education system is in.

I am practically a walking billboard for TFA and, subsequently, education reform. And whether we like it or not a lot of people vote based on personal connections and experiences. So think about it...if I am an average voter and know someone in TFA and have spent time talking to them I am probably more likely to place a slightly greater emphasis on education in my voting preferences and the candidates I support. I am not saying that me talking to people is going to get them to switch their voting habits but it could get individuals to think about education as a major political issue a little bit more. Hence, the title of this blog entry...

I think that TFA is building up quite the alumni association, however I do not think that their only, or even their major, contribution to education reform is through the check book or working in the department of education. I think that TFA members' presence provides exposure to others of the real-life, tangible horror stories about our education system that might get the ball rolling for the average citizen to begin to care about education reform, thereby having a "ripple effect".

When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit

Quote #12: "Ms. Broome is my favorite teacher. She has made me nothing but a stronger student." - LM I am soooooo thankful I am not a crier, otherwise I would have been bawling the last two days of school. This quote is from a letter one of my students gave me on the last day of school before she got on the bus to go home and it was the perfect end to nine months of exhausting, heart-wrenching work in the classroom. It also served as some small validation that I am not a complete failure in the classroom. Teaching a "life skills" elective course is a lot different than a core subject; I can't see the tangible progress my students are making like I would be able to if I taught math or reading. Every time they got into a fight, skipped class, earned an "F" in a class, or cussed out a teacher it was like a small jab at my class, so it was nice to know that something I said or did at least reached a few of these kids.

It is easy to forget the small victories and get bogged down by all the crap that goes on in the classroom and the larger school building. And it is far too easy to not realize you are changing one kid's life while you are trying to get the attention of 20 other students. But I remember applying for Teach for America and thinking I couldn't be important to all my students but I just wanted to have a positive influence on a couple: I lost sight of this goal more than once during the school year. It is difficult for me not to become over-invested in all my students, as I have said before I have a tendency to feel too much sometimes, and not to feel hurt when I see them messing up and hurting themselves and their future. However, this letter, and a couple other gifts my students gave me, brought me back to what I believed when I started this job: that I could be a friend to some of my students but to 95% of them I will just be their teacher and that's how it should be.

Everything has changed so much in the past nine months and after adjusting to this new city and my new job I finally feel like my old self and I cannot wait to get back into the classroom next year! I am so grateful for all my family and friends who were with me at the beginning of this adventure. And if I vented to you at any point or had a mini-meltdown over the phone or sounded exhausted/haggard at any point, just know that it was all worth it, I was able to have a positive impact because of your support, and thank you for being there for me.

So that's pretty much it for this school year. No social commentary or particularly insightful message, just a big "thank you" to everyone who supported me and made this huge change easier. I might blog over the summer a little bit since I didn't get around to talking about everything I wanted to this year, like racial tensions, sex in school, and the newspaper articles that were written about my school. But, at the same time, I might just go outside and have a good time, I'll keep you posted! :)

No place for the weary kind

Quote #11: "My uncle says that a lot of people mess up their freshman year and that they can, like, start over, fresh, next year." - BH We had 5 days left of school when one of my students uttered this proclamation during my first period class. Within the last week of school attendance has dropped significantly and students have decided that they should not be expected to do anything. In my class, my students have begun the process of reflecting on this past year and trying to draw lessons from mistakes in, what seems like, a futile attempt on my part to get them to NOT repeat history next year. It was during a discussion on the topic of reflection and not quitting high school just because you messed up freshman year that my student made the above comment. As the end of the year draws near it is a bittersweet ending.

I worry about my students for next year and the likelihood that they will become discouraged with school, give up, and drop out. As the school year has drug on I have seen their grades drop and their work ethic plummet. They are tired and feel defeated; thank goodness summer is upon us! However, what if they feel like this at the end of each year? Or what if they become more tired and weary of school as the years go on? School does not come easy for a lot of my students, they have to work at it every day...they have to work at paying attention to lecturing teachers, ignoring the drama that other kids start, not letting themselves be swayed by bad examples and distractions, breaking bad habits like not doing any homework, and dealing with other students and teachers who might otherwise prevent them from learning. They have a lot of components working against them.

I am not saying that my students are perfect, some days (screw that, most days) they do not give me or their other teachers the effort that we all know they possess. However, if I could decide between my students passing high school with C's when they can earn A's or dropping out, I would always choose the former and, I think, most people would agree with me. But how can you tell a student that everything is working against them, yet you expect them to continue on regardless. "I expect you not to become tired, I expect you not to get worn down, I expect you to push on, I expect you to do what, potentially, no one else in your family could do..." Well, the answer is that you have to tell them this with such fervor that they truly know that you believe it with your entire being. And this is what I do not know if I accomplished this year, and it really concerns me, this is what keeps me up at night.

I do not know if my students have been told enough that they can and WILL succeed in high school. I do not know if my students intrinsically believe they can do "this", and by "this" I mean high school. Because if they do not know these few things and, in some small way, believe them, then what is to keep them from dropping out? I have talked before about the shit my students go through, the personal drama that would make suburban kids break down and seek therapy for years. Well, if my students can deal with that extra stuff then they need to know that high school should seem like cake compared to seeing their friend shot when they were 13, having their drugged-out mother abandon them, running away from home, or being homeless. My students are tough but they don't see this toughness as an asset in the classroom and, I think, it is one of the main things they have going for them. If you are so tough you can survive getting out of a gang, then you should be able to pass my class. I will emphasize this more next year, but, in terms of my current students, I am really worried about what next year holds for the incoming sophomores.

Digging yourself into a hole you can't get out of

Quote #10: "Ms. Broome, can I get my make-up work?" - VW and KW The year is coming to an end (we only have about 4 more weeks left, ahhhhh!!!!) and some of my students are freaking out about their grades. We have been in this new semester for a little under 16 weeks and some of my students are just NOW beginning to freak out, it's so ridiculous. The two students I mentioned above came and saw me on Tuesday wanting some make up work to bring their grades up. Their percentages in my classroom where 12% and 9%, needless to say they both have REALLY solid "F"s. Then we looked over their attendance together and found that one had 25 absences and the other had 22 absences! This does not include tardies, which were numerous, and could mean they showed up anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes late! I looked at them and had to be honest and tell them that there really was no way that they were going to pass my class. I cannot re-teach huge unit projects we spent 5 weeks on because these students chose to skip and did not bother to get make-up work the day after they missed.

Then these same students asked if there was some way I could bump them up to a "D" through some sort of make-up assignments I gave them. Now look closely, because that last sentence exemplifies the disconnect my students have between their education and their grades. Grades are something teachers give to them, grades are subjective, and can be given out on a whim. I have told my students multiple times that I base my grades off percentages and have been VERY transparent about my grading system...but maybe these two students skipped that class period. Upon this grade request, I told my students that I would not "give" them any grade, that they would have to make up all the work that they were missing in order to pass. And in a very blunt response, I told them that it was unfair of me to give them false hope of passing because trying to make up 16 weeks of work while completing current assignments is impossible. It was a lose-lose situation: they either started freaking out or got mad and I felt like I had this huge knot in my stomach, as if I was the bad guy in this situation!

In the midst of all of this, I couldn't help but connect it to the larger problem of individuals not being held accountable or responsible for the mess they get themselves into. We always think that someone is going to forgive us or bail us out. It's almost American to fuck up (excuse my language) and expect to not be held accountable. We can spend as much as we want and declare bankruptcy, gorge ourselves on food and get gastric bypass surgery, consume as much as we want and ship our garbage to other countries, or not pay attention in school and then expect our teachers to let us make up work. There is a prevailing sense of entitlement in this country and it has to stop! Now I am not saying that I am going to fix it in the classroom by not allowing my students to make up work, but it has to start somewhere!

Many people are going to claim this sense of responsibilty/accountability should start at home but with so many adults in debt and living beyond their means how do we expect our kids to develop any different habits? Maybe school is where it should start. It is going to be a rough adjustment for some students, with many kids feeling like they are being "picked on" or thinking that their teachers are "unfair", but after a few years this trend might start to catch on. Talk about remedial life skills! A lot of adults don't understand that there are consequences for their actions therefore it is going to require quite a "salesman" to get kids to buy into this idea of personal accountability.

I felt absolutely horrible for telling my students they were going to fail my class. I kept thinking that their failure was my fault; I should have intervened earlier, I should have sought them out to give them make up work, I should have called their parents, etc. But, in the end, this type of thinking will only wear me out, the failure rate is something I can work at in the future, AND it does boil down to my students' every day academic choices. They might only be kids making dumb decisions, let's face it you make some REALLY stupid choices between the ages of the 15-19 years old, but at some point in time they will have to learn accountability. And isn't it better to be first exposed to this lesson in a class that, honestly, doesn't really count towards graduation requirements, rather than a class or job where the stakes are higher?

While I feel like the monster in this story, I know deep down that these students need to understand that sometimes you dig yourself into a hole so deep that you bury yourself.